#1
I've been a little inactive in the forums for the past ..several months, I think. Considering my first attempts at composition, I'd like to think I've grown "somewhat" as a musician.

I wish I could say what this song was about, or why I wrote it. I've been listening to a selection of Joe Dassin lately, and this came out.

c4c as always, and ... ..yeah, that's all I had.

Enjoy

Edit >> I'm a LIAR. I suggest you run the powertab or midi version of this. The bass doesn't line up, and the volume swells went away when I imported this into guitarpro.
Attachments:
sinking.zip
Last edited by piquet at Oct 22, 2008,
#2
The intro flowed very nicely. Once the second guitar came in, that made things more lively. I really liked the riff that started around 31 or so. That was heavy, yet simple. It has a very epic sound to it.

The riff at 86 has a different vibe to it. I like it alot.


The ending was good as well, it left me wanting to keep listening.

As a whole I thought the song had a depressing feel. I think sinking was the perfect title for it.
#3
Hey man I've been inactive a bit too. I just got back posting on these forums hehe. Your song has a dark feeling I love the the intro riff along with the distortion guitar. The Guitar at bar 11 is a great touch and blends in well. It did get a tad bit repetitive but lyrics will fix that. At 61 great new riff and that solo at 65 is unique. The finish is great Gj!

Please Crit My newest song!

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=982208
Click My Library to see what I've written

My Library
#5
I loved all the riffs, great, kind of depressing stuff as it's been mentioned, but I personally feel as though it was just a giant build-up into nothing. you should (in my opinion, anyway. its your song, just being constructive) really consider some sort of 'chorus' that uses some kind of simple, vocal friendly approach with different chords. a basic F C E progression would probably do the job nicely, but, this is just how I'd do it, to break up some of the repetitiveness.

my personal favorite is the little chord sweep lead that you first hear at bar 11. cool stuff. Overall good job.

You can check out my latest if you want. It's kind of old, but any feedback is appreciated greatly.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=973891
#6
First, I'd like to thank you all for your great critiques. The issues with repetitiveness and lack of structure, I'm really well aware of them, and wish I knew "how" to get around them, but ..well, my point is, thank you for listening and giving a hoot.

srvguitarrulez
I don't know why, exactly, but a lot of my songs have come out with that "epic" feel to them. I honestly don't plan it, but .. well, I can't complain. I'll just make another Black album, haha.

Jonathan Trejo
Yeah, I remember you, man. You critiqued my pain-in-the-ass to play 12-string fingerpicking gone horribly metal song, Cognac. ..I was afraid of the sweep at bar 11. It sounds better when I play it out than it does in powertab or gp; maybe I like how I screw it up by muting the open G every time.

And you're right about the repetitiveness. All of my songs have that quality, whether I like it or not. *points to user title* ..it's a curse.

abluesman100
If you think this needs work, you should have had a listen at the first draft. I did actually have an idea for the overdriven guitar's part in the main heavy sections, to progress up for half the bar and then follow the 16ths pattern like what's in the solo for the second half. I decided against it because I thought that it would be too repetitive, even for itself .. and I was just lazy. I'm sure it's something I'll get to some day - these things that bug me are usually solved.

Thomasoman
I've had this problem, with a real lack of "structure" with all of my songs, actually. I blame it on my absense of a poet's mind, as I've always wished I could write out the lyrics, then build the music around it. Instead, I'll pluck around on my guitar until I find something I like, then go from there .. which turns out pretty much as you've put it; a giant build-up into nothing.
#7
Hey, you crit mine, so I crit yours

The intro and the verse riffs are really amazing, but like ohter mentioned it before, it leads into nothing... whats pretty sad i think...
I really like the sad and dark atmosphere you create, but again, it leads into nothing (kinda dissapointing i think)

imo you should add a really heavy bridge maybe with some strings or things like that, or just finish in a great outro, dont know exactly...

To sum it up, pretty solid song with great potencial to be a awesome song
#8
I've started working some with an intro synth solo. ..I've got more ideas, and I'm not too thrilled about the synth in the main verse section. It's something I'll have to work on more tomorrow as it's late, now. I'm wondering if this sounds like I'm on the right track.
Attachments:
sinking_a.zip