#1
Tell me what you think.


Blood stained the sands of Nukapu in eighteen seventy one
They had left New Georgia far behind
but it didn’t matter; they were were sailing for the rising sun
They were the rising sun
of leather bound Victorian memoirs
Light in Melanesia was soon to come
but on the sands of Nukapu in eighteen seventy one
John Coleridge Patterson saw the inside of his skull

That whaleboat never returned to the Southern Cross
the bishop of fishhooks and calico
had his vitalism on his palm mat like a ruby gloss
but what was calico to them?
it certainly didn’t catch sawfish,
D’Urville’s racial theory was irrelevant,
and in the martyred eyes of Patterson
they never saw the reflection of the Queen’s justice

Blood stained the sands of Nukapu in eighteen seventy one
out-pacing the denominational tide
these antipodean ministers pressed out from the temperate seas
hopping the New Hebrides
To reach the weather coast of future war
among them our poor-man’s Conrad, looking for
the devil’s lair in verdant green and turquoise
a heart of darkness in the Santa Cruz and Nukapu

Henry Hutchinson Montgomery
You prayed for them - will you pray for me?
Those muscular blacks and their shocking phallus sheaths
The sharks waiting just inside the reef
At the apex of the empire the spiritual adventurers
Still scribbled pictures of mermaids
and we never cursed in front of them
as they spoke of dark peoples with great potential for belief

It’s been said with post-colonial skepticism -
More missionaries were eaten than souls were saved.
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Last edited by Yertle at Oct 24, 2008,
#2
I'm gonna need to come back to this.
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#3
I have to say this was pretty hard to follow, and since I don't live in the U.S. I don't have enough knowledge about what you're talking about, eben though it's part of history.

First thing I think you should do is punctuate it. It detaches your amazing imagery and writing, makes it look more professional and it's easier to keep the storyline.

I'm afraid there's not much I can say; I liked reading it, but I didn't fully understand what was it about.
#4
few things:

i liked "eighteen seventy one". sounded odd at first but the repetition of it made me realise the importance of the words. they stretch it out, place more emphasis on the time period and help the flow something fierce.

absolutely loved some of the descriptions. beautiful word choice. scene is crafted wonderfully.

you write with a wonderful control. i wish i knew more about the topic at hand to assist. can't really say that i'd edit anything. i'm shocked that this hasn't received more critiques. i'd PM Hurt Within if i were you, he'll have a great deal more to offer than i would.

all i can do is praise the descriptions which really were a joy to read.