#1
yeah here it goes. c4c and all that jibber jabber.

There goes the young man with hate in eyes
Until one day life took him surprise
He woke up to the sound of bustin glass
It was the sound that he heard last

That night was the end of the hatred
He had so much potential, he could have made it
But instead he leaves a dream unfulfilled
I wonder what he could have turned his life into

There goes the man who had a pain in his chest
Waiting for the one, who cared to hear
That one day he could live without fear
Now he was finally put to rest

That night was the end of the hatred
He had so much potential, he could have made it
But instead he leaves a dream unfulfilled
I wonder what he could have turned his life into

There went the man with scars on his face
Through all of the years of beatings and hate
But now it’s all over, he’s moving on
There’s another young man taking his place

That night was the end of the hatred
He had so much potential, he could have made it
But instead he leaves a dream unfulfilled
I wonder what he could have turned his life into

[interlude]
That night was the end of his hatred
It’s too bad, he could have made it
But instead he leaves his dream unfulfilled
I’ll always wonder what he could have turned his life into

That night was the end of the hatred
He had so much potential, he could have made it
But instead he leaves a dream unfulfilled
I wonder what he could have turned his life into
#2
First of all, thanks for the crit. I appreciate it.

There goes the young man with hate in eyes
Until one day life took him surprise
He woke up to the sound of bustin glass
It was the sound that he heard last

The biggest problem I have with this verse is the rhyming. The eyes/surprise and glass/last is just too simple. The story is suppose to be tragic and it makes it sound a bit too catchy.Also I think you can expand on this. The character described here kind of reminds me of a gangbanger. Maybe you can describe how he met his demise at the hands of his fellow gang members. That night was the end of the hatred
He had so much potential, he could have made it
But instead he leaves a dream unfulfilled
I wonder what he could have turned his life into

There's just something about the phrasing of "he had so much potential" that doesn't click for me. Also something about "I wonder" that doesn't feel right. Maybe consider something like. "I stopped the world with all my hatred/ That night was the end of creation/There were no more gods and no more kings/Nothing left of what I should be."
There goes the man who had a pain in his chest
Waiting for the one, who cared to hear
That one day he could live without fear
Now he was finally put to rest

Alright now, the character here reminds me of a somebody in a nursing home who's lost their wife and nobody comes to visit them. That night was the end of the hatred
He had so much potential, he could have made it
But instead he leaves a dream unfulfilled
I wonder what he could have turned his life into

There went the man with scars on his face
Through all of the years of beatings and hate
But now it’s all over, he’s moving on
There’s another young man taking his place

This one scream's child abuse victim. Again give me details.
That night was the end of the hatred
He had so much potential, he could have made it
But instead he leaves a dream unfulfilled
I wonder what he could have turned his life into

[interlude]
That night was the end of his hatred
It’s too bad, he could have made it
But instead he leaves his dream unfulfilled
I’ll always wonder what he could have turned his life into

That night was the end of the hatred
He had so much potential, he could have made it
But instead he leaves a dream unfulfilled
I wonder what he could have turned his life into

Anyways, I hope this crit helped. Hope to read more from you
#3
Whoa man Good work here!!!!!!!! and thx for commenting my lyrics! Means alot to me.