#1
Rain hits the ground
A last standing sound
An army has come
Now an army is gone

Isn’t it fun
To see grown men run
They cry, they don’t laugh
At the sound of a gun

It’s hard to outrun
The rage of a gun
With one shot the heart stops
The brain dies
The man drops

Isn't it fun
To all die as One
Honor is yours
At the sound of a gun
#2
Rain hits the ground
A last standing sound
An army has come
Now an army is gone
Interesting way to set the piece up and introduce the subject of war.
Isn’t it fun
To see grown men run
They cry, they don’t laugh
At the sound of a gun
The way that the first line influences the rest of the stanza really does make the tone of sarcasm and skepticism obvious. The contrast of grown men crying at the sound of a gun and not laughing was interesting.
It’s hard to outrun
The rage of a gun
With one shot the heart stops
The brain dies
The man drops
The way that the processes of dying are illustrated on separate lines really makes the reader stop and read each process - really maximizes the impact of the individual lines. The way you personified the gun fits - probably because of the way you are talking about people all the while. Though it isn't the point of the poem, i would be careful to make sure you don't make the shooting the intention of the gun instead of the intention of the person.
Isn't it fun
To all die as One
Honor is yours
At the sound of a gun

The tone was great - i really liked the way that you're being skeptical about war showing how pointless it can be. The last stanza really hits the nail on the head with the way that honour is yours (alive or dead) if you get shot. The capitalisation of the "One" also increases the sense of unity, which ties in to the previous stanza where you have grown men as cowards, portraying the army as a cowardly mass.

On the whole i like it, though then again i think that wars are in general pointless unless for a VERY good cause...I also liked the way you go against the stereotypical view of a soldier that we see in movies and video games (Solid Snake and Master Chief anyone?) that they are brave, daring etc.

If you do C4C i would appreciate a crit on my new piece;
Rain
Originally Posted by venom0014
yeaaaaa, i love you zenmaestro in a non gay way

^Of course Venom, everybody does.

Originally Posted by Will_Minus
This guy knows the score.

You see? Someone knows the score.