well, we'll see how this goes over. I hope you like it. it just kind of poured out. thank you for your help Carmel.

just a ghost, just a love, I wonder, I wonder, where did she go?

she's a kind of wave
from the fingertip down the skeleton
to the tip of your longest toe
electricity, out and about and contained

she's a kind of perfect snow,
soft and blown from your hand,
blue bird, young and falling from it's nest
caught still by the spring grass
(whispering "that was quite a fall, little one")
cradled, pulling on the clouds with its beak
so surprised at its strength

she's a kind of third grade memory
Perry-Anne's palms rubbing wool
skin inches away
building static, building steam like a californian train
through the mountains (still young and kissing)
until it has nowhere to go
but into all of me

she's a kind of poem
that you keep under your pillow
whose so wrinkled and cried on
that she doesnt have corners no more
whose so loved and undone
that she's almost lost all her words

and she's a kind of rainstorm
that patters your window while you
breath her in forever
and breath her out

she is
I really liked this.

Second and third stanzas, I thought were too indirect to be in the piece. They didn't feel as pointed or as cohesive about their business as some of the others. I LOVED the last two. I thought they were fantastic.

Sorry I can't really tear this one up (that duty is for Zach), but I really enjoyed this piece, and can't find any faults other than the two stanzas. I hope I was of some help.
Beautiful. Do I like the last line? Can't decide.
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.
That poem stanza was so beautiful.

Sorry, not a crit here. I just thought it was great.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
The best thing you have written in a long long time. Soft, delicate, brittle, and dangerously contained.

I loved the way your last line interlinked with your signature.
you know that i adore your descriptions. they have both an abstract beauty as well as being relatable. they always transcend the piece without making that a negative thing. the ending was beautiful.

only thing - "doesnt have corners no more" . i don't think the slang works. it's too bold for the piece. it stands out and it shouldn't.

brilliant stuff though.

got one on the first page if you can.
I read your writings, don't always comment, but I read them. And I have to say this is probably one of your better one's. I really enjoyed this. I agree with skag's comment on the "doesn't have corners no more" it ruins the mood. and even the flow a little bit. However, I'm not sure that I like the ending either..there's just something about it that doesn't work for me. If you could, my latest is in the sig, I could really use some help on it.
You know man.

I have watched you since you first started posting here.

And you have come a long-****ing-way.


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

I love the understatement in your work, there is a very simplistic beauty. You don't try to slap us in the face, you just let the piece breathe. Not really much of a crit, but I keep coming back so i figured i'd better say something
Quote by culex-knight
You know man.

I have watched you since you first started posting here.

And you have come a long-****ing-way.


I actually had one of Synths REALLY early rhymes saved in my bookmarks, it was a poem about growing a relationship and living inside a bottle (a la bottle in a ship) but I lost it when my harddrive wiped itself. And I have to say, that piece is one of the most beautiful and inspiring things i've ever read. Whenever I was short of inspiration I just read it, or whenever I was melancholy it just suited the mood.

Anyway. Synth, I hate you Haha, not really, you're just incredible. Your imagery is incredible as always (the skeletons line, wow, why do you think of that?), I thought the opposite of the first replier, I thought that the cohesive was in all the lines. It flowed, fitted perfectly, HOWEVER!

My only issue is the title. And the cyclic "She Is" that goes with it. I don't like it, it lacks the wit and genuity of the rest of the piece. Simply because, if she's a ghost then... of course she went somewhere :S

Apart from that, REALY well done

P.S. If you get the urge and odn't mind, would you send me that piece I mention at the start? I haven't read it in ages and I'd raelly like to
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

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Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P

Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
Quote by #1 synth
last line feeds into the title. it's cyclical.
one of the most important (to me) pieces i wrote looped.
i tried using
at the the very beginning and at the very end.
but it didn't seem to help.
no one really got it.

until it has nowhere to go
but into all of me
i felt that, most of all.
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I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
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I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
dammit, for some reason i kept clicking the link and reading this thinking i'd already said something; my bad.

this is beautiful, Dylan.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.

- Jericho Caine

secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.