#1
Hey guys and gals of S&L.
I just finished another song. This one is once again different from any other that I have written. This is a very quiet, mellow song. It's got some very unique chords in it. I don't know if it's any good or not. I wrote it while lying in bed trying to get some sleep. I'll let you guys decide if it's any good. The beat is the same for the whole song pretty much. It's just a slow, kind of punk song. Picture something by the used. Anyways, sorry to drag on and on.
As always, c4c.


Verse 1:

Consumed by your own desires,
Justified by a world of liars.
You can't hold on,
But you know it's wrong,
So you run away.
Someday maybe you'll change your ways,
And realize your mistakes,
How much can you take before you break?

Chorus:

And now it comes down to this,
Waiting for a chance to prove that you exist.
In the end, you know you can't take it,
And it never feels right to fake it.
Step back, take a look inside yourself,
Do you see someone else?
Oh sweet divine predicament,
Can't stop, can't change the evident.

Verse 2:

Life's good if you know how to make it,
But if you don't, you might end up jaded.
This world will test what you're made of,
Tell me, what are you afraid of?
I'm not afraid, at least not to die,
I'm afraid to live, and not remember why.
Oh sweet chemical indifference,
Can't hide, can't change the evidence.

*instrumental*

Chorus x1
------------------------------------
There it is. Any suggestions for the title would be great.
#2
Perhaps you should revise the last line of the chorous " Can't stop, can't change the evident." it just doesnt seem right to me.

Also the last line "Can't hide, can't change the evidence." It seems you are using the words evident and evidence synonymously. They dont mean the same thing although they can refer to the same idea.


Sorry, I have not put anything up for crit yet. Havent got the guts! Maybe i will tonight.
Last edited by Lucky Fish at Oct 24, 2008,
#3
"Oh sweet divine predicament,
Can't stop, can't change the evident."

I like it a lot and that's^ my favorite line. The evident to evidence thing I think works fine. I don't think it seemed like they were being used synomymously but paints a good picture.
Quote by Ponyexpress
Grammar Nazis scare the living crap out of me mainly because I'm half Jewish


MY SONGS:
[thread="985311"]A Love/Hate Relationship[/thread]
[thread="985301"](All) I Can See[/thread]
[thread="983897"]My Heart is a Hand Grenade[/thread]
#4
In my opinion, a good title would be (Re)Education.

The title has a two-fold meaning. You are educating yourself to the world and your place in it, but with the word 're-education' it reflects to the listener that you once had an idea of who you were, but it was shattered leaving you to wonder, "What now?"

Just some thoughts, nothing impressive, just something I came up with.
Last edited by Tadillac at Oct 25, 2008,