#1
No more cliché lines from me, those never worked anyway
might as well stamp me failed, I never knew what I felt
Just trying to make sense of me, as I stand here all alone
fearful of the unknown, all I can go off is what I know
And everyone is looking for something, to call their own
keep ignoring life's lessons, and you'll never grow
Were frightened to find, there's no meaning to any of this
our futures a mess cause we, don't know where we fit in it

We're not all that different, you and I
We all feel alone, at some point in time
But in these times of doubt, you're going to find
The only way to right yourself is by living your life
Last edited by oakleys09 at Oct 24, 2008,
#2
these words leave me with a sad sort of feeling...they look like from the heart and been there so i know what its like. Still there is more to simply existing .. if you know where to look...
Al
#3
No more cliché lines from me, those never worked anyway

nice, like it, a good opening line.

might as well stamp me failed, I never knew what I felt
Just trying to make sense of me, as I stand here all alone

so far so good, although basic, it does showcase emotion.


fearful of the unknown, all I can go off is what I know

i dont really like how unknown rhymes with alone, it just doesn't seem to fit, like it comes in too quick.

And everyone is looking for something, to call their own
keep ignoring life's lessons, and you'll never grow

again i don't really like the rhyme, i think the opening 3 lines were good, because they flowed without the need to rhyme. Its almost forced.


Were frightened to find, there's no meaning to any of this
our futures a mess cause we, don't know where we fit in it

We're not all that different, you and I
We all feel alone, at some point in time
But in these times of doubt, you're going to find
The only way to right yourself is by living your life

I'm not too sure on the the last line "to right yourself", doesnt really make a lot of sense to me.
Overall its good, as the above comment said, you can feel the raw emotion - i just feel that if you tweaked a few things you might improve it.


C4C - "corners" in my sig.
And Like That. He was Gone.

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