#1
Obsessive compulsive oxygen addicts
this is where the world ****ing ends
take your pictures and memories
and cover the backs of your goddamn necks
this is how it goes down
when no one else cares about anything else
this is how it goes down
when you cant even recognize your own ****ing face
now come on lets get down
now come on lets get down
I've been dirty yeah. this is how we like to live
Man I don't want to die dirty.
Yeah but somethings gotta give
Last call, time to turn it on
Last call, man the air seems to thin
Come on lets get down
come on lets get down
were armed with knives for arms and moonlight for eyes
we shoot from hip. and we don't ****ing think twice
This is the groundwork for a new revolution
Cut off your hands and cover your eyes
get dirty. yeah this is how live.
get dirty. this is how it is.
get dirty. yeah this is how we live.
get dirty. this is how it is.
Break Dance Not Hearts

Quote by Vicious Sid
He pulled little Timmy out of his electric wheelchair
Broke his good arm and made him eat his own hair
The End.
#2
There's a few things in there that I liked, but for the most part, I really didn't get into it. I assumed it was a song and read it over several different times to find the flow (figuring it was pretty fast paced)...

Lines like these took away from it:
"and cover the backs of your goddamn necks"

"Last call, time to turn it on
Last call, man the air seems to thin"

Lines I did like:
"Obsessive compulsive oxygen addicts
this is where the world ****ing ends
take your pictures and memories"

"were armed with knives for arms and moonlight for eyes
we shoot from hip. and we don't ****ing think twice"


The rest felt a little bland


I'm also not a big person of a whole lot of profanity....
but I also understand that it's there to emphasize anger, meh...to each is his own opinion, keep writing...it's good exercise for your brain
Vivamus mea Lesbia, atque amemus,
rumoresque senum seueriorum
omnes unius aestimemus assis!
#3
I think the last 8 lines are so, are pretty good. they are a bit more abstract and capture a dark and angry feeling. For some reason, that "shoot from the hip" phrase, I really like haha.

The earlier parts also do that although they are a bit more cliche, however (I'm guessing of course) since this is probably song lyrics (and not a poem) they would definitely work.
#4
yeah its a song. thanks for the crits guys
Break Dance Not Hearts

Quote by Vicious Sid
He pulled little Timmy out of his electric wheelchair
Broke his good arm and made him eat his own hair
The End.