#1
Running Cold

Nothing serious is all you say…
How long until you realise that you just gave your life away?
You welcomed the pain of death again
Go on boy, hang your head, don’t hide that shame.

A sad, sad boy your obsession will destroy
The warmth you feel is never real.
In this scarlet state of mesmerism
For all your sins you are forgiven.

Just to relish in this selfish fetish,
Leave them all and watch them perish.
Alone and aberrant,
All your weaknesses are now apparent.

Don’t forget that feeling let the rapture remain.
Life won’t wait
You can’t hesitate.
Hurry Eros it’s almost to late.

She won’t save,
She has made you her slave.
What happened to that boy?
The one who was always so brave?

Cold and alone no light to be shown
I fill find you again.
You and I are one and the same
I know that it will not be forever that you remain.

If just for a while I could make you smile
It would all be clear, I am always near.
I want to be the one,
You will never hide from.
#2
clap clap...
very nice
...


Don’t forget that feeling let the rapture remain.
Life won’t wait
You can’t hesitate.
Hurry Eros it’s almost to late.
QUOTE]

maybe you shouldve referred to eros another way....
but very admirable
#4
I like this, but at the same time I don't. It's pretty catchy and everything, but a lot of the rhymes get old. Just look for ways in which the piece can be a little more "out of the box" if you will. I don't know. I guess I haven't made up my mind yet. If I come up with a more conclusive crit, I will be sure to post it. In the mean time, could you crit my latest? It's in the sig..