#1
So the vocals are tired sounding, or as if someone's emotionally drained, or been crying. Kinda sounds like a "Bright Eyes" song except slow and written in a major key and happy sounding tune, except the lyrics set a sad, frustrated, defeated mood. C4C

Verse 1:

I know you hate me
I hate you too
But something strange's got me
So in love with you
It's all an act
It's make believe
You start to yell
So I think I'm gonna leave

Chorus:

A masquerade
It's bitter sweet
Like lemonade
When we meet
It's all so fake
It's so unreal
And I can't tell you
How I feel

Verse 2:

It's a love hate
Relationship
And I know you
Don't give a flip
I'm an actor
You're my actress
I'm so in love
And you I miss

Chorus

Verse 3:

Wondering when
The shroud will fall
And we'll be staring
IN the face of it all
Then you'll see
You've been wrong
You really loved me
All along

Bridge:

It's you and me
At curtain call
Looking back
We've been through it all

Chorus x2
Quote by Ponyexpress
Grammar Nazis scare the living crap out of me mainly because I'm half Jewish


MY SONGS:
[thread="985311"]A Love/Hate Relationship[/thread]
[thread="985301"](All) I Can See[/thread]
[thread="983897"]My Heart is a Hand Grenade[/thread]
#2
I like this all except:


It's a love hate
Relationship
And I know you
Don't give a flip

I haaate that. The last line is so.. immature.
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Motion City Soundtrack, Get Up Kids, Jimmy Eat World, Transit, Brand New, Dashboard Confessional, Early November, Fall Out Boy, Jawbreaker, Polar Bear Club, The Story So Far, the Wonder Years, Something Corporate.
#3
Sorry, I forgot to change it because my word file had it saved as 'flip' the real lyrics are. "It's a love hate/relationship/and I know you/don't give a shit."
Quote by Ponyexpress
Grammar Nazis scare the living crap out of me mainly because I'm half Jewish


MY SONGS:
[thread="985311"]A Love/Hate Relationship[/thread]
[thread="985301"](All) I Can See[/thread]
[thread="983897"]My Heart is a Hand Grenade[/thread]
#4
Oh. That actually made me like it better. haha. Good stuff.
ADELOS
POP PUNK
for fans of...

Motion City Soundtrack, Get Up Kids, Jimmy Eat World, Transit, Brand New, Dashboard Confessional, Early November, Fall Out Boy, Jawbreaker, Polar Bear Club, The Story So Far, the Wonder Years, Something Corporate.
#5
To be honest, nothing stands out to me as new or artistic. It seems as though your love song was created by a cookie cutter. A lot of music is like that, so I suppose you may still be able to have success with it. But, if you want to challenge yourself and rise above the lemmings, I'd continue writing.