#1
hi i wrote a song abotu things that make me sad, its on my profile if u wanna hear it, what do uy think?

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my sad song

ill sing a song, with a heavy heart, although its not my, usual part.
thinking of people, i once knew, and if your listening then id like to hear from you,

chorus
so its a sad song that ill sing
just sit back let the notes ring
i wrote this song for you to hear

if you dont like it then thats fine
theres lots of other things ill write
i jsut hope i dotn run out of time

its my sad song
its just my sad song


end chorus

games ive played, and fights ive had, and overall i should be glad
becuase i won, more than i lost, thoguh i never thougt about the cost

im too busy, living the past, and wondering why the time went so fast
to waste the rest, my biggest fear, i got one life so ill live every year

chorus

thinking of things, yet to be, wating for work to set us free
and racing towards, the setting sun, and when you reach it then your'e done
#2
The verses really aren't too bad. I'm not a fan of the way they're written out, but that's beside the point. However, the chorus just does not stand up with the verses. The first portion of the chorus is good, but as soon as you get into the second stanza, oh boy it goes down hill. Just really focus on making the second and third stanza's of the chorus better--more creatively written I guess. That's truly the downfall of the piece. But overall, nice job. Could you crit Crumpled Money and a Fake Phone Call? It's in my sig..