#1
Okej So I like to days ago tried to start writing lyrics... the thing is that I only come up with cheesy sentences you know... things that are more poetry like... sure, lyrics are poetry but this that I write(often while a little drunk) won't work...

I'll give you some examples and hopwfully you wonderfull guys can give me some pointers and hints... NO STEALING!!!

Okey... Let's face it. I wrote this while I was drunk and now I have some more sense and I feel kind of embaresed now but anyway... here it is:

Make it real, make it true.
Everlasting it should be.
Make it burn, leave a scar.
Remember it for what we are.

-------

Stars shine forever(no they don't)
So should we.
Turn us inte one
That's what we should be.
Mix blend and stir
Turn us into one.

(here something cool happends and change the whole song)

Break us!
Shatter this and all that we have and do it again!
Break mend and crush!

wow... lyrics are crazy stuff xD

Hope I get some response...

btw... still a little drunk but never mind
Schecter C1 Classic
Fender Vintage -57 Ri Stratocaster
Fender Blues JR w/ 12"Cannabis Rex
Mad Professor Sky Blue OD
Wampler Ego Compressor
TC Electronics Stereo Chorus/Flanger
#2
i like the first 2 stanzas but the lines

Mix blend and stir
Turn us into one

in the second stanza kind of kills it for me i guess.
the last stanza seems really out of place and disjointed and just not of the quality of the first and most of the second i guess.

if you haven't read this yet i think it could really help you just don't do it while your drunk lol.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=393365

anyway, it would be great to hear more from you when you've got everything down pat.
#3
yo thats trippy haha needs some psychedelic music to it
its good to write drunk yah know gets the real feelings out on the papers.
Ibanez sz720fm,Ibbly RG350DX, Custom Tele-> Dunlop 535Q->RAT Pro co II-> Ibanez Fuzz->Marshall Haze 40.
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my music, new recording on the way in 2014

[B]insert witty italicized quote here
#4
thanks to the responses, I sure will write something done once I get it allt together and so but in the meantime I will read through that link and see what I can make out of allt this. thanks!
Schecter C1 Classic
Fender Vintage -57 Ri Stratocaster
Fender Blues JR w/ 12"Cannabis Rex
Mad Professor Sky Blue OD
Wampler Ego Compressor
TC Electronics Stereo Chorus/Flanger