#1
This is the first thing I've posted on here, been reading a lot of the stuff on here and thought I'd throw my stuff out here, C4C.

Fingers Flicker On Silenced Tongues

The fear and seclusion,
The silence in which they speak.
I’ll find you an answer,
To all you seek.

Mirrored in darkness,
The life that we keep, secret,
These words spell confusion,
To all whom read.

Waking for the sunrise,
Tainted with faded blood.
They’ve held on for too long,
Watch now, for the setting sun.

I’ll hold off my questions,
And hold to your throat.
You’ll give me an answer,
To all that I’ve sought.

Through power and insolence,
The mighty have fallen.
Through action, reaction,
What will keep you still?

Cheers
Last edited by Vallowary at Oct 25, 2008,
#2
I actually like this. a few things i would change though. Last line of the first stanza, i would recommend changing to "to all you who seek" (it helps the flow) also "to all that i've sought" doesn't really seem to fit. and the last line just isn't really that well of an ending...idk. i would try to change it to something with a little more umph. could you crit mine? its in my sig.
#3
I like it a lot. The first thing I thought of when I read it was a journey and some guy standing on a hill top with a rising sun. No idea why. I don't get the title though. C4C one (or all) of the ones in my signature.
Quote by Ponyexpress
Grammar Nazis scare the living crap out of me mainly because I'm half Jewish


MY SONGS:
[thread="985311"]A Love/Hate Relationship[/thread]
[thread="985301"](All) I Can See[/thread]
[thread="983897"]My Heart is a Hand Grenade[/thread]
#4
Thanks guys for the input, cyclone, I will definitely fiddle with this a bit to make it flow more, and work on the sought part and the ending, but the flow is supposed to be a bit "iffy", when its sung, it all flows alright but I'll put some work into it and see what comes out from it, and Rockstar, I like the idea of the journey ha ha, not what it means, but hey, thats what writing songs is about right?, giving different people different ideas on what is trying to be put across, but I'd like to thank the both of you for reading (and liking) my piece!
#5
Thanks for the advice! I quite like this peice ithink just work on it to make it flow a bit better other then that i think its quite good.
#7
hey man i like it a lot , i think the flow of the song could be made a little smoother but then i dont know how it all fits together over the music, and i dont thinks the title of the song does it any justice as its a bit vauge. but all in all a very good piece so no complaints here
#8
Yeah...seems the title does throw a few people off, so I'll work on it ha ha. Thanks jamiehendrix for having a look at this, it does flow pretty well over music, but still, I'll try to lyrically make it flow better, along with keeping it with the music. Again thanks for having a look, and I will get round to fixing up the flow issues and (hopefully) re-naming it.