#1
Hey S&L. This is yet another song I have written whilst attempting to sleep. I'm quite tired, so I have no idea if this song will even make sense.
C4C

The Poisoning Of Our Minds

Verse 1:

Yesterday has come and gone,
And tomorrow will soon become today.
Do you ever wonder where we went wrong?
Did we lose ourselves along the way?
Waiting patiently, on bated breath,
We seek the answers to questions we don't know.
Chivalry and justice have been put to death,
The knowledge of right and wrong perished long ago.

Chorus:

The poisoning of our minds is underway,
We believe the lies, no matter what they say,
Where they lead, we shall follow,
Standing here, I feel so hollow,
Does anyone feel the way I do?
Does anyone feel?

*short solo*

Verse 2:

They teach us to lie from the day we're born,
But I won't conform to their ideals.
The truth, brought to light, is marked forlorn,
When everyone searches for something real.
We seek the answers to questions old as time,
When the answers have been there all along.
We all fall short, no matter how high we climb,
So what's the point when you don't belong?

Chorus x1

*solo*

*outro*
----------------------------
As I've read through this song while posting it, I'm not quite sure if I should use it. It may need work, but hey, that's what this forum is for, right?
#2
Hey man just dropping in to say I'll have that crit done soon. I'm currently at work so can't get to full work on it, Thanks for the crit o my song, will return it when I get home!
#3
Yesterday has come and gone,
And tomorrow will soon become today.
Do you ever wonder where we went wrong?
Did we lose ourselves along the way?
Waiting patiently, on bated breath,
We seek the answers to questions we don't know.
Chivalry and justice have been put to death,
The knowledge of right and wrong perished long ago.

The poisoning of our minds is underway,
We believe the lies, no matter what they say,
Where they lead, we shall follow,
Standing here, I feel so hollow,
Does anyone feel the way I do?
Does anyone feel? i like the rhyming parts here!

They teach us to lie from the day we're born,
But I won't conform to their ideals.
The truth, brought to light, is marked forlorn, nice!!
When everyone searches for something real.
We seek the answers to questions old as time,
When the answers have been there all along.
We all fall short, no matter how high we climb,
So what's the point when you don't belong?


its got a pretty cool feel to it even if i dont completely understand it
the first stanze is alright.. kinda boring imo, maybe throw some spicy words in and cool timing in there? that last one is pretty good!!
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#4
Thanks for the crit. The first verse may seem kind of boring, but trust me, if you could hear the guitar part that I have in the intro, you'd change your mind. I just wish I had a good computer again so I could upload my recordings. My songs just aren't the same without my guitar riffs.
#5
you gots yerself some good rhymes but also some overused ones and some cheesy ones.

As a subject, it is good, but i supposed that if it is to be a song, the rythm kinda gets lost through the lines. But since you wrote it you prbly know how to sing it along on a steady rythm.

all in all, nice try..

i would appreciate any crits on mine, Alegria
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