#1
This is one of my songs, hope you guys like it

[verse 1]
I woke up in a fight again
I wanted the day to end
before it even began
I'm stuck in my own head again
Tell me what you meant
by saying I'm not the one

[pre chorus]
I did all that I could
so that you just would {whisper;love me}

[chorus]
'' love me, love me''
is what I've said to you
you said I do love you
and I believed it was true
but you've
broke me, broke me down
Why won't you kill me instead
I'm better of dead

[verse 2]
All the days that I've spend with you
Do you know that they felt so wrong?
but what could I do?
Now your gone, I'll be never with you
and there's no place I belong
you know that it's true

[pre chorus]
that I did all that I could
so that you just would {whisper;love me}

[chorus]
'' love me, love me''
is what I've said to you
you said I do love you
and I believed it was true
but you've
broke me, broke me down
why won't you kill me instead...

[outro]
instead of leaving me here
in this dark cage
you've locked me in
and left me all alone.....
now I'm all alone....
I don't wanna be alone

thnx for reading and comments are welcome
#2
broke me, broke me down
why won't you kill me instead...

wel it doesnt really flow if you could change that itll be sound better, C4C check sig
#3
i like it but it doesnt have a very clear rythem to it. with the music it may but i would take out wehree you force the rhymeing and just get the song to have a nice roll to it.
#4
good, slightly too cliche for my liking, hence the lousy crit.

try putting it into third person (he, she) and see if it changes anything. just a suggestion.
#5
Quote by unreal_sanity
i like it but it doesnt have a very clear rythem to it. with the music it may but i would take out wehree you force the rhymeing and just get the song to have a nice roll to it.


thnx for your good advice