#1
Edit: Finished this song now. Really pleased with it, keen to hear more opinions!

C4C as always.

Cheers!
Attachments:
P-H3.zip
Gear:
Schecter C-1 Hellraiser
Ibanez GRG170DX
Peavey Vypyr 75
Fender Princeton 650 DSP w/ Celestion 80w speaker
Last edited by Friendly Stoat at Oct 27, 2008,
#2
I dunno why you muted the drums because I think it sounds fine with the drums lol. The chorus is catchy as hell . The drums are awesome there. Verse seems traditional for post hardcore lol. I can imagine lyrics fitting right into place. PreChorus is sweet! I love the let ring notes at 53 . I can't find anything wrong with it and what I think is wrong lyrics will fix Keep going! lol


Oh and I got this other song if you can crit

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=986025
Click My Library to see what I've written

My Library
#3
Cheers for the crit mate. I don't get what you mean about muting the drums though.. lol.
Gear:
Schecter C-1 Hellraiser
Ibanez GRG170DX
Peavey Vypyr 75
Fender Princeton 650 DSP w/ Celestion 80w speaker
#4
i could imagine more variations in the intro riff, but after then the verse is really great. thanks to god its not a generic shit.. hell i really like the main theme. write the song perfectly, don't **** it up :P
9/10 for now and we'll see the rest.

c4c plz - its in my sig
#5
This is a solid song so far. But the chorus sounds really familiar, although I can't place a finger on it...

And to be honest, I laughed when I heard the let ring parts in the prechorus. Not to be mean, and maybe it's just because it's in GP, but that part sounded awful. But obviously keep it if it floats your boat.

Free crit, just throwing that out there.
#6
Quote by Broadsword
And to be honest, I laughed when I heard the let ring parts in the prechorus. Not to be mean, and maybe it's just because it's in GP, but that part sounded awful. But obviously keep it if it floats your boat.


I have to admit, that was the only bit I'm not sure about. The idea was for it to be a screaming part, hence the dissonance, I thought it'd fit well may try to improve it though.

Thanks for the crits guys.
Gear:
Schecter C-1 Hellraiser
Ibanez GRG170DX
Peavey Vypyr 75
Fender Princeton 650 DSP w/ Celestion 80w speaker
#7
Just wonders here, But did Dance Gavin Dance have any influance on this?
First time listening to it it sound like somthing I expect from them.
Very nice, And keep the songs coming.
A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence.
#8
I've never heard of them but thanks for the crit.
Gear:
Schecter C-1 Hellraiser
Ibanez GRG170DX
Peavey Vypyr 75
Fender Princeton 650 DSP w/ Celestion 80w speaker
#9
Excellent song, really loved the chorus and the verses.

I don't really have much to say about this song besides...uhh...finish it!



9/10
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#10
Finished the song now, it's in my first post
Gear:
Schecter C-1 Hellraiser
Ibanez GRG170DX
Peavey Vypyr 75
Fender Princeton 650 DSP w/ Celestion 80w speaker
#11
uu yeah thats what i talked about! ^^ nicely done, especially the verse 2 part. the great thing is that the whole song is unique in my eyes. soo ill give you a 9/10 . really great work out there, its your time to check my latest i need some sleep because of my new song so go on check it :P
#12
That sounded very awesome. When can we expect a properly recorded version? with lyrics?!
#13
Quote by MerryGoRound
That sounded very awesome. When can we expect a properly recorded version? with lyrics?!




ermm... I would like to do a proper version whe I've upgraded recording gear and I can actually write lyrics I'll probably end up doing it with my band. But when I get full versions done, I'll post them on here.
Thanks
Gear:
Schecter C-1 Hellraiser
Ibanez GRG170DX
Peavey Vypyr 75
Fender Princeton 650 DSP w/ Celestion 80w speaker
#14
Again, the choruses were finger-lickin' good, even if generic.

The bridge was very cool, melodic and posty without being overannoying or pretentious . I really liked the little bass n' drum bit, and loved how well it transitioned into the final chorus.

My only complaint is this: You should have a third guitar play some kind of over-the top melodic lead over the end of the final chorus so to create THAT much more tension (look at my latest rocky stuff for a reference ), and to give it a bit more of a memorable and overall less droning structure.

9/10 still!
R.I.P. Charles Michael "Evil Chuck" Schuldiner
B. May 13 1967 - D. December 13 2001

Quote by eggsandham2
cuz ppl hate how power metal they are cuz they think its "gay" or w.e, which is immature and dirogitory
#15
Quote by Slaytanic1993
Again, the choruses were finger-lickin' good, even if generic.

The bridge was very cool, melodic and posty without being overannoying or pretentious . I really liked the little bass n' drum bit, and loved how well it transitioned into the final chorus.

My only complaint is this: You should have a third guitar play some kind of over-the top melodic lead over the end of the final chorus so to create THAT much more tension (look at my latest rocky stuff for a reference ), and to give it a bit more of a memorable and overall less droning structure.

9/10 still!


Sounds like a good idea. We can have 3 guitars in my band as well so that's alright.
Gear:
Schecter C-1 Hellraiser
Ibanez GRG170DX
Peavey Vypyr 75
Fender Princeton 650 DSP w/ Celestion 80w speaker
#16
Here i am to crit your stuff, thx man for critting mine

I really like your stuff, its written awesome

The intro reminded me of a popsongbeginning, but idk the song exactly... but nothing bad about that. The mainriff is catchy and well written and has a melodic touch, which i really liked^^
The verse was awesome especially the second part. The Prechorus with the C and the C# was too long and should be shorter, don't know why exactly, but i'd sound better i think. The chorus was pretty good, as i mentioned before. You might should vary the drums between the singlenotes and the chords to get a better contrast between them. Dont know if this works, but i use it often^^
The second verse was not as good as the first, but still good.
The bridge was awesome, fits in perfect and was pretty melodic. Well done The basssolo was good too.
The final chorus was really impressing, especially the very last part at bar 167, but the last chordprogression was too much. Imo you should end the song after 170 with doubeling the part before. Would sound better i think, but thats just how i would do it, and the song is still awesome 9/10

Hope its understandable, not sure about my english^^

Btw, i changed a few things at Love and Hate, give it a second chance
Gear:
Ibanez SZ320 -> Höfner Analouge Delay -> MXR GT-OD -> Laney GH50L -> T.C.Electronics GMajor -> Line6 4x12 w/ Celestion G12T-75


My Lyrics and Poems


"with golden hair and perfect eyes,

with hollow words and empty lies."
#17
this was pretty awesome to listen to. <3 post-hardcore

it was pretty simple, but thats not a bad thing. i liked the bass solo thing at 143, :P

this is a pretty well rounded song. little of everything

8/10
#18
Nice hook, I liked what was going on in bar 22. For some reason, and please don't take this the wrong way, the verse riff to me seems "out of place" (the part I'm referring to is the octave played at bar39) but this is only b/c there are no lyrics/vocals to listen to so maybe that's why it sounds out of place to me, this happens a lot with me and when I write my songs in GP5, it just doesn't have the same feel to playing it in real life.

Bar 53 = sweet. I really the overdubbing you've got going on there, its not overly busy/crowded if you catch my drift. The Pre Chorus in general is great.

Bridge is cool sounding as well, especially the rhythm guitar, great beat you've got there, I think you should put a breakdown right after the bridge it'd flow nicely (I think). But maybe this song shouldn't have a breakdown? I don't really listen to too much post hardcore stuff, in fact, I can't think of a single band that falls under that genre that I listen to so my opinion is pretty much invalid here. Saying all that though, still a great song. Has potential, try the breakdown idea and see if it fits. Other than that I can't really say what if anything should be changed. Keep up the great work and thanks for critiquing mine! Send me a msg my way when you post your new song and I'll critique it too.

7/10.