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#1
Let's see how many comedians we have in the crowd...
Here's one to get you started;
What do Eric Clapton and coffee have in common? They both suck without cream.
#2
What do TS and a bad clown have in common? They tell jokes people have heard a million times.
Quote by Chrisiphone
Oh wow this is a guitar forum!
Quote by JacobTheMe

Karvid is sexy

Quote by KAS1981
Why is it that some folks quote praise from other members in their sig lines?
Its lame.
#3
Quote by seth's daddy
Let's see how many comedians we have in the crowd...
Here's one to get you started;
What do Eric Clapton and coffee have in common? They both suck without cream.

At first, I thought the "cream" was a sexual innuendo.
#5
Q. Why does everyone hate bassoonists?

A. Because they're shit.

Q. Why does everyone hate flautists?

A. Because they're shit.


Q. Why does everyone hate clarinetists?

A. Because they're shit.
VENUSIAN
FB SC BC TW
Patterns In The Ivy present ethnicity on an intriguing and dedicated level. ~Ambient Exotica
A mesmeric melange of yearning voice, delicate piano and carefully chosen samples. ~Lost Voices
#7
What did the saxophonist say to the search bar?


I want to make sweet tender love to you right here on stage.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#8
Quote by break-me-in
What did the saxophonist say to the search bar?


I want to make sweet tender love to you right here on stage.



I suck more than you would be ok aswell
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
#9
Quote by JohnnyGenzale
I suck more than you would be ok aswell


But then the joke would make sense. MADNESS.


If anyone mentions Sparta I will put their eyeballs in a microwave.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#10
So what do you call a guy who hangs about with a bunch of musicians?

...A DRUMMER!!!


Sorry
Quote by gangsta_rick
HAHA TWO WORDS f*CKING LEGEND


Finally a sig which shows another member praising me.

My work here is done
#11
I saw a bumper sticker in a guitar store that read

"Like all musicians, Your Following the Bassist"

I lol'd
Music is an art form that celebrates potential. So long as you're looking for it, you'll always find it.
#12
Quote by rabidguitarist
Q. Why does everyone hate bassoonists?

A. Because they're shit.

Q. Why does everyone hate flautists?

A. Because they're shit.


Q. Why does everyone hate clarinetists?

A. Because they're shit.


I don't know why I found that as funny as I did.
#13
What does the clarinet player say, when he doesn't have a reed for his clarinet?

-I don't know how to reed.

Haha get it you guys?................................................................................................
#17
Quote by jaz91
So what do you call a guy who hangs about with a bunch of musicians?

...A DRUMMER!!!


Sorry


HAHA TWO WORDS f*CKING LEGEND
Wanna know what gear i have? check my profile
Black Beauty Owners Group
Muddy Waters invented electricity

Paul Kossoff = Genius
#18
I hear their making a kirk hammet wah pedal.

It doesn't have a off switch.
#20
Two musicians and a drummer walk into a bar.
Quote by Ez0ph
That was a different Feb08er that threatened to suck you off
I remember that


Sadly, I was the threatened.
Quote by Firenze


Let it be known that I concur with everything this gentleman says, ever.



www.myspace.com/tarsusmusic
#22
I broke my g string while fingering a minor....
Schecter Stiletto Studio 5
Ibanez SRX2EX1
Gallien Krueger 1001rbii
Gallien Krueger Neo 410
#23
Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb

A: At least two, but you've gotta get them in first.

Lolwut
#25
just thought id add some

How do you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.

What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality

obviously no offence to drummers
Wanna know what gear i have? check my profile
Black Beauty Owners Group
Muddy Waters invented electricity

Paul Kossoff = Genius
#26
Why did my sister marry a musician?


Seriously.
It's not funny. Why?
Martin D-15
Gibson LP Std. Faded HB
Fender MIA HWY1 Strat, 3 color SB, RW fretboard
BOSS GT-10
Roland JC-120
#27
The order of people getting laid in a band:

1. Lead Singer
2. Bassist
3. Lead/Rhythm Guitarist
4. Sound Tech Guy
5. Manager
6. Relatives and friends of the singer
7. Relatives and friends of the guitarist
8. Relatives and friends of the bassist
9. Guitar Tech.
10. Singer again.
11. Keyboardist.
12. Friends and family of keyboardist.
13. Friends and family of drummer.
14. Guitarist again.
15. Drummer.
May the Force be with You.
Carmel is hawt
#28
Quote by Guitarfreak217
Join the Jack Johnson club.
Or feel the pain...
Of love.


Intimidation will get you nowhere my friend ...but I will join, simply because Jack Johnson is cool.
#29
What's the difference between an acordian and an onion? No one cries when you chop up an acordian.
How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb. None. They have machines to do that now.
If you're lost in the woods, and you see Santa Claus, an in-tune bass player, and an out of tune bass player, which one would you ask directions from? The out of tune bassist. The first 2 indicate that you're hallucinating.
#30
Well I would put drummer jokes in here but you clearly stated you wanted jokes about musicians.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#33
Quote by rabidguitarist
Q. Why does everyone hate bassoonists?

A. Because they're shit.

Q. Why does everyone hate flautists?

A. Because they're shit.


Q. Why does everyone hate clarinetists?

A. Because they're shit.

Q. Why does everyone hate violinists?

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#34
Quote by guylee
what has seven arms and sucks?

Def Leppard.


Hahaha nice. But seriously their drummer is terrible I could play their stuff with one arm.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#35
Quote by tayroar
Well I would put drummer jokes in here but you clearly stated you wanted jokes about musicians.

icwatudidthar
#36
Quote by tayroar
Well I would put drummer jokes in here but you clearly stated you wanted jokes about musicians.


Hahahah I see what you did there.


Q: Why didn't the cop ticket the van parked in a handicap space?
A: He saw drum sticks in the window
#37
Quote by tayroar
Hahaha nice. But seriously their drummer is terrible I could play their stuff with one arm.



yeah. i could think of someone else who can do it too lol
#38
An E, a B, and a G walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors."

What's the best thing one person can play on a guitar? Solitaire.
#39
Quote by Flying Couch
An E, a B, and a G walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors."

What's the best thing one person can play on a guitar? Solitaire.






Win!
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