#1
Basically I wrote this:

I find myself alone.
In this conversation.
So pull me up, pull me up.
Before I have nothing left to loose.

Chorus

We never meant to do no harm.
but i guess it's not the worst
that we could do.
Maybe we're too far apart.
but just one in the same.

Chorus..
followed by... something cool.

Being open minded means giving things a chance.
before just throwing them away.
think before you're
just thinking of a past day.

Chorus, then outro i guess?

Chorus?

Your fingers,
they fish for stars.
So far apart.
Always back to the start.



I don't even know if it works or anything I'm kind of lost it's the first full thing I've written and I really think it needs to be scrapped. So if someone could help me out or point me in the right direction that would be cool.

Or like shoot me down and tell me this thread will be closed, whatever.
Basses:
Fender Precision Bass
Fender Jazz Bass
1967 Fender Coronado Bass II
Warwick Star Bass
Squier Precision Bass TB
#2
bumpage for kicks?
Basses:
Fender Precision Bass
Fender Jazz Bass
1967 Fender Coronado Bass II
Warwick Star Bass
Squier Precision Bass TB
#3
I think the second verse could work well as a chorus.
i don't really like the chorus you have written.
However I like verses 1 and 3 although imo they could be a bit longer. (maybe that's just how I read it, could be sung differently of course :P).
I think It could make a good song but with a bit of work.