#1
Okay, I've never written lyrics to a song and I gave it a shot... I'm not sure how I feel about these, but they are the first draft of my first lyrics ever. I like to think of myself as a pretty killer composer, but I just typically struggle with lyrics, so that I got something out is progress at least

So, some criticism would be nice so I can see especially where I need to work on my song writing. I feel like it's sappy, just some love song, but it's meant to be more than that and I don't want it to be just "some other 'love' song." Anyways, here it is:

Dreaming

I wasn't shopping
Wasn't even in the market
I thought I was happy
But it was only in that which they say is bliss

I was sure I had it all right
But now I'm dreaming
Of your dreamy Eyes

How could I've known
I'd meet such dreamy eyes

Now I'm guessing
About all I thought I knew
And I'm starting to miss you
Before you're even gone

I never meant this to happen
But I'm stuck Dreaming
of you dreamy eyes

How could I've known
I'd meet such dreamy eyes

But now you're getting on a plane
Not another cance to tell you how I've felt
I don't know when I'll sever see you again
I know you're heading back to home
Unknowingly leaving me alone
While I'm left with just memories

And I'm stuck dreaming
About those dreamy eyes


There... How is it? Don't be too harsh >.<

Edit: Yeah, I'm not sure what kind of structure I've got going, but if someone wants to make suggestions in that area, go ahead...
"There are more songs about love than anything. If songs could really make you do something, we would all love each other." - Frank Zappa
#3
I'll agree with that... I think it needs work, it was sort off the top of my head, and based on something that is actually happening today, and that was my inspiration.

It's not what I want it to be, but I stink at this aspect of song writing, so it's going to take some work to make it be what I want it to be.
"There are more songs about love than anything. If songs could really make you do something, we would all love each other." - Frank Zappa
#5
when i first started writing lyrics i was damn terrible at it... it takes a lot of practice and inspiration. i didnt write a good song until i fell into a really depressed part of my life. then suddenly i just had so much to say.. and i wrote some good songs... unfortunately im not too good at writing my own music. so they'll probably never be heard...

i dont really like the part about dreaming of your dreamy eyes... i'd drop the word dreamy and replace it with something else.. it sounds to redundant...

I like this part though:

"Now I'm guessing
About all I thought I knew
And I'm starting to miss you
Before you're even gone"
Member # 5 of Can't we forget about all the subgenres and just ROCK? club