#1
A year has past, and still the shitty pay,
Every week like clockwork, every Saturday
Three pound fifty an hour, all work and no play,
I think its time for a pay rise, or I’m not gonna stay,

Chorus
You tight bastar..d,
Oooooh ooh you tight bastar..d,
You’re a tight bastar..d,
I’m now a man,
And this is my plan,
You tight bastar..d,

Just turned 18 and need the money,
Working here, just ain’t really funny,
Cough up you old miser, give me the bees and honey,
I expect a rise while its still sunny,

Chorus
You tight bastar..d,
Oooooh ooh you tight bastar..d,
You’re a tight bastard, so come on Dave,
I’m no longer your slave,
You tight bastar..d,

(Solo)

A week has past and much to my surprise,
Dave gave it a thought, and gave me a pay rise,
The plan I had, was indeed very wise,
He’s no longer tight I’m not telling lies,

Chorus
You were a tight bastar..d,
Oooooh ooh a tight bastar..d,
A tight bastar..d,
Increased my pay,
A tenner a day,
TIGHT BASTAR...D!!!!!!!!!


Any comments, tips, Crit is all welcome Cheers! Thanks for reading.

(BTW I edited the Bastar..d so it would pass the filter)
My Gear:
Gibson Les Paul Studio
Fender MIM Stratocaster
Yamaha Pacifica 112v
Epiphone G-400
Cheap acoustic


Roland Cube 30X
USA Big Muff PI
Dunlop Crybaby Wah GCB-95
Last edited by Tomo J O at Oct 27, 2008,
#3
A year has past, and still the shitty pay,
Every week like clockwork, every Saturday
Three pound fifty an hour, all work and no play,
I think its time for a pay rise, or I’m not gonna stay,

Three pound fifty an hour? Don’t force the wit!

Chorus
You tight bastar..d,
Oooooh ooh you tight bastar..d,
You’re a tight bastar..d,
I’m now a man, (Rewrite this. Too cheesy)
And this is my plan,
You tight bastar..d,

This has potential but it’s forced all the way through

Just turned 18 and need the money,
Working here, just ain’t really funny,
Cough up you old miser, give me the bees and honey,
I expect a rise while its still sunny,

Chorus
You tight bastar..d,
Oooooh ooh you tight bastar..d,
You’re a tight bastard, so come on Dave,
I’m no longer your slave,
You tight bastar..d,

(Solo)

A week has past and much to my surprise,
Dave gave it a thought, and gave me a pay rise, (rise? Don’t force it)
The plan I had, was indeed very wise,
He’s no longer tight I’m not telling lies,

How about a little humor…

A week has past and much to my dismay
Dave gave it some thought and gave me a raise
He also gave me more hours, twice as before
Now I’m in the same position as I was before


Chorus
You were a tight bastar..d,
Oooooh ooh a tight bastar..d,
A tight bastar..d,
Increased my pay,
with eight more hours a day,
TIGHT BASTAR...D!!!!!!!!!


I get the angst and the direction. I really think you need to go back and rewrite this for better flow. Let it wait a day or two, and then take another look. Every time you do, you’ll find more and more that will make it better. Keep up the good work. Songs always need a couple drafts to nail it.

C4C
A Like Mind Is Born
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=987765
#4
Ben says too blatant and cheesy. He's absolutely right. That's what i like about this.

otoh, the AAAA rhyme structure bugged the fuck out of me.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#5
Ok guys thanks for the comments so far, although this is my drummers song, so I'll help him with this as well, with your crit. Thanks!
My Gear:
Gibson Les Paul Studio
Fender MIM Stratocaster
Yamaha Pacifica 112v
Epiphone G-400
Cheap acoustic


Roland Cube 30X
USA Big Muff PI
Dunlop Crybaby Wah GCB-95