#1
Crit 4 crit...

If she sang another word he thought that he would crumble
Fall apart and become one with the dust at his feet
Though not there for long, it has no time to rest
Soon it’s kicked up in the air when his body collapses
And since her sorrowful words were the last to grace his ears
He’ll be down for eternity or at least he’ll look that way
And were it not for the pain of losing life everlasting
He could have some closure even if it’s not the type he chose
The way that his friends all put it so eloquently
What he couldn’t say in a million years
What he couldn’t dream of or begin to desire
Though not for not wishing or wanting to try
#2
My only suggestion is add a little length... Great use of imagery, I really liked this piece... Simply beautiful