#1
kind of spur of the moment, kinda what I did the other day. c4c thanks


Upon soft warmed earth
stones crash a cold mirror.
Digitized rings distorting
frozen fireworklike reflections,
drifting on dimensional rings
echoing accross its surface.
Free handfuls of rocks
Besides bowled waters,
Like an empty arcade
A thousand one quaters.
While air gently breathes
Shaking loose ripened,
dry time painted rain.
Parachuting down gravity
crackling against surface,
creates accidental symphony
among Squaks and thwacks.
This unending orchestration,
cuts close to compensation.
Last edited by mindtrek at Oct 28, 2008,
#3
Upon soft warmed earth

This just doesn’t seem to go with the rest
And kind of leaves me confused.


stones crash a cold mirror.
Digitized rings distorting
frozen fireworklike reflections,
drifting on dimensional rings
echoing accross its surface.

This is not hard to follow and gives pleasant
Images in my mind as I read. That said, I too
Have to wonder where you are going.


Free handfuls of rocks
Besides bowled waters,
Like an empty arcade
A thousand one quaters.
While air gently breathes
Shaking loose ripened,
Dry multi colored rain
Parachuting on gravity
Crackling against surface
Creates accidental symphony
Among Squaks and thumps
A constant orchestration
Sense tingling sensation

I do see talent but I think you are most likely trying too hard. Hey, it's just an opinion.


C4C
A Like Mind Is Born
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=987765
#4
thanks guys. your right though, not really a point or story. I just sat in the woods next to a pond smoking, and wrote about what I saw. Gotta love fall, so trippy. will crit back