#1
(Think Audioslave and Chris Cornell for who could perform this.) C4C!


A Like Mind Is Born

Fanatics setting fire to the world
Laying waste to the fields
So deep in the forest of religion
Lost sight of a world that’s real

You say it’s only getting worse
But ya know I read history
I know it’s never gotten better
So don’t waste that lie on me

(Chorus)
We just are and we always will be
The only thing that’s changed
Is our perception of things
I been around a thousand years
And I’ll live a thousand more
Generation after re-generation
A like mind is born


We’ve lived a thousand lives
Fought a thousand wars
A thousand times we’ve died
A thousand times mourned

We are the infinite hydras
Of the quantum sea
The never ending struggle
That we call history

(Chorus)

(Spoken until 8th line)
I am like those before me
You are like those before you
What is done in our generation
The next will undo

The like mind is born
From the conscious plane
So no matter how hard we try
The struggle stays the same

(Chorus)
#3
this is pretty good I enjoyed it. Its got good structure with a nice flow of things. short sweet with a nice punch behind it. Not sure if theres anything I would change good job
#4
That's really good. I like all of it, the only part that kind of threw me was, "..infinite hydras of the quantum sea." It just didn't seem to fit with everything else, maybe that's just me. And it's not even anything worth changing, thats just the only thing I found slightly off, everything else was great!
#5
Thanx for the quote on mine, unfortunatly it is not a metal song, actually figured it out on acoustic and it actually kinda had a happy sound to it, which for some reason I liked. However i did also picture the song on electric with a band backing me up. Anyways thats my response to your comment, and now on too your song.


Quote by IamOmega
(Think Audioslave and Chris Cornell for who could perform this.) C4C!


A Like Mind Is Born

Fanatics setting fire to the world
Laying waste to the fields
So deep in the forest of religion
Lost sight of a world that’s real
I like it and don't change it.

You say it’s only getting worse
But ya know I read history
I know it’s never gotten better
So don’t waste that lie on me
once again good

(Chorus)
We just are and we always will be
The only thing that’s changed
Is our perception of things
I been around a thousand years
And I’ll live a thousand more
Generation after re-generation
A like mind is born

I been around a thousand more should be
Ive been around a thousand more I think
everything else I think is good


We’ve lived a thousand lives
Fought a thousand wars
A thousand times we’ve died
A thousand times mourned
brilliant some people may argue with me on that, but i think its ****ing great, don't change it ever

We are the infinite hydras
Of the quantum sea
The never ending struggle
That we call history
I think that there was a comment just before mine about the first two lines, I personally don't have a problem with it, kindove out of the blue but it could work
(Chorus)

(Spoken until 8th line)
I am like those before me
You are like those before you
What is done in our generation
The next will undo
this too me has a little bit more of a positive vibe to it, which kinda throws it out a sync a bit, therefor if I understand what you mean by spoken until 8th line, good job!
The like mind is born
From the conscious plane
So no matter how hard we try
The struggle stays the same
Love it, especially the stays the same at the end (if you remember my song at all),
(Chorus)


Overall I liked pretty much everything about this song, rhyming was good and not annoying, your choice of words was good,(hydra part may need some tweaking but mayby not). one thing, I actually could never picture audioslave or chris cornell performing this peice, I was basically having a hard time with the song until I pictured Raised fist playing(it kinda reminded me of a song of theirs). but I guess all that really depends on how you vision the song being sang.

I would give this a 10/10 but nothing is perfect so
probably a 9 or 8 out of ten.

nevertheless great job. And thanx for the crit on mine!
Last edited by Trudenter at Oct 28, 2008,
#6
Good job, I like the rhyming and the seize of it. it's not too long or too short, you know what I mean. I can also relate to your words. =)
#8
wow for song lyrics these are quite developed especially for the style. it can almost function as a standalone poem, let alone a song. the theme of the piece is also very powerful. the only problem i see, as was said before, the "infinite hydras... quantum sea" part which has a totally different vocab and imagery feel than the rest of the poem.
#9
You're Right, We're totally on the same page. I hate to say it, But I like yours better than my own.

But maybe that's just cause I'm over critical of my own work though.

I really liked the chorus and the last two verse's, but I'll give it full crit later.


Earth

A Language Older Than Words
Last edited by Ryan 88 at Oct 28, 2008,