#1
evening pit (its evening here)
hows it going?
anyway i wrote a poem for english and i was wondering what everyone ment
i know parts are lame but what does everyone think?
News


In other news 200 refuges slaughtered
Guilty of not getting out of the way
“They weren’t one of us” they claim
People all look the same to me

Boy killed himself
Reports of mockers in the crowd
Jump jump they said
People can’t see their own problems

Wife kills husband for life insurance
Now she’s going to prison
Don’t pick up the soap they say?
People could benefited by not picking up the gun

Youth bashed for I-pod
They wanted something worth nothing
Soon they’ll realise all they’ve got is nothing
People seem to want nothing

Australia, fattest nation on earth?
People have forgotten what food used to mean
Fattest among the fatty’s doesn’t say much
About anyone

People are on a road to ruin
And trying to speedup
People all love the speed
But soon we’re going to be speeding at a wall
Then we’ll ask
Where are the brakes?

if youve mad it down here thanks for reading and please if youve bothered this much at least tell me what you think
Pull my finger

Quote by Explicit User

"Kyle.. Do you know what homosex is?"
me:"...yes... why?"
"Do you want to have it?"
Me again:"...no Anthony..no i don't"
"Oh.. okay.. good night"

haha

Quote by madhampster
Dear god the pit is a force to be reckoned with.
#3
S&L forum. Good though.
Quote by Vornik
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to put it, along with your other advice, into a book, the pages of which I will then use to wipe my ass.
#5
I like it, especially the way the last stanza sums it up. You have any others?
MaKing thE possiBlE...
...totaLlY impossible
#6
I quite like it. The speed part is pretty neat.

Just one thing, what does the line about the soap mean?
XIAOXI
#7
I thought it was pretty cool, and definitely suitable for school.

Quote by Abunai X
Just one thing, what does the line about the soap mean?


The urban myth is that if you pick up the soap, Bubba will get to make cream pies.
#9
Quote by blynd_snyper
Go to prison, drop the soap and find out for yourself.





EDIT:


oh...


wait

wtf..
Last edited by ~Moby Dick~ at Oct 28, 2008,
#10
Nice to see something not shit on UG for once, good work dude.
Quote by Drmckool
without having read this thread and just seeing the title since i've been not on the forum for a month i'm just going to say

"why can't we be friends"
#11
It was pretty good! I like it. A rhyme scheme could add rhymth and make it a bit more fun to read. Just a thought
#12
So I'm the only one who thinks this has no rhythym? And is nothing but already ignorant news stories wrapped together into one giant rubbish poem about ignorant news stories?


My bad I guess...
#13
Quote by tushmeister
So I'm the only one who thinks this has no rhythym? And is nothing but already ignorant news stories wrapped together into one giant rubbish poem about ignorant news stories?


My bad I guess...


A bit of tact wouldn't go astray.
XIAOXI
#14
Quote by blynd_snyper
Go to prison, drop the soap and find out for yourself.


+1
#15
Here's what I think, you from slaughtering refugees. To youth being bashed for an I-Pod. To Australia being the fatest nation on the planet. Focus on one point, maybe the world going into ruins...
#16
Quote by Abunai X
A bit of tact wouldn't go astray.


And nor would a bit of talent

I decided to respond with the proportional amount of tact for the situation
#19
Quote by thedefrockednun
it's good, I didn't think that Australia is the fattest country in the world.

i heard recently on the news that it is
thanks for all the compliments
Quote:
Originally Posted by Abunai X
A bit of tact wouldn't go astray.

And nor would a bit of talent

I decided to respond with the proportional amount of tact for the situation
sorry couldnt figure out how to quote two people
anyway if you dont like my poem thats fine by me
but constructive critcism please?
o and to the guy who asked if you pick up the soap in prison the myth is that you'll get anal raped to put it crudely
Pull my finger

Quote by Explicit User

"Kyle.. Do you know what homosex is?"
me:"...yes... why?"
"Do you want to have it?"
Me again:"...no Anthony..no i don't"
"Oh.. okay.. good night"

haha

Quote by madhampster
Dear god the pit is a force to be reckoned with.
#20
Quote by thedefrockednun
it's good, I didn't think that Australia is the fattest country in the world.


its just to make the americans feel better.


i hope..
#21
i really liked the lyrics
Originally Posted by smb
I'm an arrogant bastard - I thought I was good before I'd plucked a note. I was right, of course.

Quote by MetalBass 77
sonsie knows all
#22
As a piece of work for school by a 15 year old it's not bad.

As a piece of literature, it's pretty crap.