#1
this is not my plan
this is not my choice
i was put here
i had no voice
to scream to shout
to kick to crawl
i was their dream
i was their all

push to cry
push to walk
push to be
it just won't work
push to grow
push until
i grab you hard
then
i push to kill.

now i'm grown
and the damage is done
i got the call
i got the gun
sent to the place
where killing is real
tell me now
how should i feel

push to cry
push to walk
push to be
it just won't work
push to grow
push until
i grab you hard
then
i push to kill.


don't say
it was life that made me this way

don't say
i could have turned out
any other way

the choices i had
the things that went bad
the voices that said

its all in his mind
its all in his head

push to cry
push to walk
push to be
it just won't work
push to grow
push until
i grab you hard
then
i push to kill.


i push to kill
i push for the thrill
i push for life

wasn't that your will.
my bagder stares at me.....
#2
"I was put here": I think replacing "put" with "forced" would help since forced is a stronger word. "grab you hard": I don't know why but for some reason this line reminds me of a handjob (don't ask). I would consider replacing "hard" with maybe "throat". I think you could really expand on the second verse, especially the "place where killing is real". Describe in detail the bloodshed, the screams, the corpses, whatever. I do like some ambiguity in poetry/lyrics but I felt at times it was too ambigous. I got the jist of what was happening, but I think the second verse could use some expansion to help explain tings a bit. Anyways, I hope this helped and I hope to read more from you.

Crit mine please
Sweet as a Lamb
#3
It's pretty cliche, not hardcore enough, Push to Kill should be a Mosh song:p cuz it sounds like shoot to kill minus the gun.

Keep working on your writing, it's good you can stick to a theme/main idea.
Last edited by stratkat at Oct 28, 2008,
#4
Hmm...I like it. Tho, I do agree with themarsvolta on 2 things. "I was put here". Forced is better than put imho. "Grab you hard". Changin it to "Grab your throat" (or somethin) gives more of a poignant image, at least to me. I kinda think "Grab you hard" could be misconstrued. I know you mean kinda like ya grab the person's shirt or somethin and aren't gonna take any more shit from em. But it jus needs to be clearer to me.

I can really see this song with a heavy, sorta rolling pace main riff and Megadeth (a la "Call to Arms") type chorus. Has a ton of potential I think. Keep up the good work, man.


Crit me 2 plz, https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=987948
#5
Thanks for your comments , its still in it infancy ,hearing it with the music obviously gives it the edge, i will keep it updated here,,,,,,
my bagder stares at me.....