#1
Just got back into song writing - this is my first effort in a year or two. It's entitled 'Think' and it's about reflecting on past mistakes and moving on. Going to attach it to a simple acoustic riff i've made up. Hope you enjoy. Please crit.:

(Verse 1)
Feeling past mistakes
Yeah i've made a few
Live with no regrets?
Know that isn't true
Dreams left unfulfilled
Nothing comes this way
Emptyness at heart
Nothing you can say

(Chorus)
Nothing else for me here now
But i'd like to think
Broken homes on streets of dreams
I can only think
Only think

(Verse 2)
Lost in subconscience
No-where left to go
No-where left to hide
Can't tell friend from foe
Nothing but false loves
Did it all again
No more 'not next time'
Hopes for me to feign

(Chorus)
Nothing else for me here now
But i'd like to think
Broken homes on streets of dreams
I can only think
Only think

Thanks for reading
#2
I think it's a good start, man. But it needs somethin more in the chorus, imho. The lines "But I'd like to think" and "Broken hearts on streets of dreams" don't really seem to mesh that well to me. It's like goin over a bump on your bike, that's how it feels to me. But nice start.


Crit me plz, https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=987948.
Last edited by rockhardmetal at Oct 28, 2008,
#3
Quote by A8039077


(Verse 1)
Feeling past mistakes
Yeah i've made a few
Live with no regrets?
It kind of feels like this line come out of nowhere.
Know that isn't true
Dreams left unfulfilled
This is almost a cliche line but it's not too bad so I think you could pull it of.
Nothing comes this way
Emptyness at heart
Nothing you can say
I like the way these last three sound but you say "nothing" for the 2nd and 4th line which sounds weird, unless your doing it on purpose.

(Chorus)
Nothing else for me here now
I would probably change this because it's used so much.
But i'd like to think
Broken homes on streets of dreams
You don't really do anything with this line. You just talk about thinking then this comes out and you just go back to thinking.
I can only think
Only think
If I were you I would probably change direction and do something with more of a hook to it.


(Verse 2)
Lost in subconscience
No-where left to go
No-where left to hide
Can't tell friend from foe
Nothing but false loves
Did it all again
No more 'not next time'
Hopes for me to feign
I liked this verse.

(Chorus)
Nothing else for me here now
But i'd like to think
Broken homes on streets of dreams
I can only think
Only think




I think you should think of a couple ways to come at this from a unique direction but overall I think it's pretty good and it has high potential.
c4c? Here's mine.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=988166