#1
Insensate intentions sense the nervous tension
in the twitching of the boss's henchmen

but the very mention of his name
doesn't even bear repeating
so it's hard to fear
just where these tracks are leading

I hear a soothing, yet decisive ruling,
so I miss the bit about the bots and their
oh-so-sudden drooling.

Perhaps with time and patience,
we'll not be so behind the drilling
of adrenaline, but rather drowning
still would be the offered treat.

So, keeping up with names and dates
Be careful not to lose the beat, for on that
drum taps the feet of humanity.

Or better yet, it's time to go drink some wine.
Basking in the afterglow, this bottle's mine.
Leave me alone to pressing dimes into
the price of conflict diamonds, be aware

of dead men and green rooms, promises
of 'soon' where death blooms in grey makeup
and various shades of bluish doom -
this is the general mindset of a seneca's cocoon.
Last edited by spike_8bkp at Oct 29, 2008,
#2
you were one of the last people I still expected to see around when I came back to this site. nice to hear from ya, and I hope you're doing well.

as for the poem, I could tell from the first line that this was going to be like candy for the technical poet in me. seriously, there's so many different poetic devices at play in that line, and yet not a single one of them felt forced. I was impressed already, which of course, isn't a surprise considering I think you're easily one of the best writers to ever grace this website.

the last stanza was quite impressive as well, delicate flow and delectable rhyming. extremely well done.

as for the impractical, humanistic side of me, I'd have to say the stanza about drinking some wine was extremely relateable.

I realize that right now I'm satiated an ego that doesn't need to be satiated in the least, and that you probably wouldn't even acknowledge the existence of, but you're such a well-rounded writer that my only complaints would be about stylistic things that probably only I personally would call an issue, such as "oh-so-sudden" not really fitting the high-minded tone I felt you had going, and I felt the "it's hard to fear/where these tracks are leading" line could've been stated better.

but I digress, I was also impressed at how you manage to sound so intelligent, while largely avoiding using words your "everyman", per se, wouldn't understand.

altogether, I'm glad I got to read this, and if you have an online collection of your works hidden somewhere in the intertubes, I'd love to peruse it if you'd like to give me a link.

I hope everything finds you well!
#3
ha. thanks. I'm not around much, but I find myself missing this place every now and then there's some ace writers here nowadays, though not too many from, say, the reign of benjmc.

I had a lot of fun writing this one - I had just been kicked out of a good skate spot a few weeks ago for the first time in a long time (I don't skate very much these days, and I'm not too big on trespassing anymore), so I walked to the empty lot next to the spot and wrote this, and proceeded to be late for work.

I have no corner of the web save here, but I like the idea of putting things in a place less losable than my notebook. I'll look into it. Any suggestions?

It's good to see your words again.
#4
my mind is blown, it really is. Instead of faltering around, this piece is so smooth it's not funny. I ahve ver doubted that you are an incredibly talented writer, but this just blew me away. I have no complaints at all. Not much of a crit, I know.
#6
docs.google.com is a real good place to keep a private collection. I know you can make them public somehow as well, but eh.

I don't know of a good place to keep a collection of writing that's publically viewable.
#7
right after you mentioned that, I looked at a few places and settled on the google sites because it's rather simple and easy. I've already spent too many of the last 30 hours going through old work in notebooks and hard drives and putting them on the site. It's quite fun. I have a bit of stuff up, not a lot, but if you want to check it out: http://sites.google.com/site/structuredroots/Home

thanks much for the idea. have you anything similar?