#1
Recording is here...
http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/damn-right%21/music/all/play49526 apologies for the 15 seconds of crap at the beginning crit for crit


Sitting here, pen to paper and I'm struggling,
trying to guess what everyones thinking.
There's a knot in the rope that I'm winding in
and it's wrapped around my neck...what's going on?
"Hey kid" get your act together,
pull up your socks and always remember,
life's a struggle and so is expression-
artists only ever make it once their dead...

Hey you! Whats going on
in the land of make believe you're a someone.
Hey kid! Whats going on?
Everyone's crowding round this event so,
I know, I know that song,
familiar chords sing along.
Pretending now that nothing's wrong
what the hell, what the hell were we thinking?

Keeping dreams close at hand and I'm choking,
on my own sense of self preservation.
I think I'm gonna need something stronger
than the morals I was given only yesterday.
Glass of whiskey and my best friend the barman-
to chase away the demons of my mind.
Here's an overdose of critical analysis-
nothing matters when youre so ****ing high.

Hey you! Whats going on
in the land of make believe you're a someone.
Hey kid! Whats going on?
Everyone's crowding round this event so,
I know, I know that song,
familiar chords sing along.
Pretending now that nothing's wrong
what the hell, what the hell were we thinking?
“I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f*ckin' mouth.” RIP
Http://www.Smash-it-up.tk
#2
Quote by damn-right!
Recording is here...
http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/damn-right%21/music/all/play49526 apologies for the 15 seconds of crap at the beginning crit for crit


Sitting here, pen to paper and I'm struggling,
trying to guess what everyones thinking.
There's a knot in the rope that I'm winding in
and it's wrapped around my neck...what's going on?
"Hey kid" get your act together,
pull up your socks and always remember,
life's a struggle and so is expression-
artists only ever make it once their dead... wow, a jimi hendrix quote. anyway, I enjoyed this stanza. The flow is just really strange. Listening to the song i noticed it as well. Some lines are too short, some are too long, and it just makes it ahrd to read/listen to.

Hey you! Whats going on
in the land of make believe you're a someone.
Hey kid! Whats going on?
Everyone's crowding round this event so,
I know, I know that song,
familiar chords sing along.
Pretending now that nothing's wrong
what the hell, what the hell were we thinking? the chorus is fantastic, much better than the first verse

Keeping dreams close at hand and I'm choking,
on my own sense of self preservation.
I think I'm gonna need something stronger
than the morals I was given only yesterday.
Glass of whiskey and my best friend the barman-
to chase away the demons of my mind.
Here's an overdose of critical analysis-
nothing matters when youre so ****ing high. wow, i wasn't expecting this, especially the swearing. That doesn't mean its bad though, like ab reath of fresh air. There is still the same problem with the flow. it's just too jumpy. It really ruins the song, these puases and hesitations.

Hey you! Whats going on
in the land of make believe you're a someone.
Hey kid! Whats going on?
Everyone's crowding round this event so,
I know, I know that song,
familiar chords sing along.
Pretending now that nothing's wrong
what the hell, what the hell were we thinking?


Wow, this is really different from you. Also, my least favourite. This is still unmistakably your style, but the flow problems, or rhythm problems, or whatever you want to call them, ruin this. The chorus is pure gold, but the verses let you down. you need to work on this to make sure the lines are so jumpy. Apart rom that, very enjoyable.