#1
Hopes and Dreams are Bullshit
I just wanted her and all of her friends,
at one time,
in my backseat.

I never loved her
we already knew that was bullshit,
if I keep telling myself that
then its fucking true.

its hard when you know they deserve better.
and you cant be that better,
you can be the worse.

the badass with a pen,
without any balls to speak of
in the heart of a real world,
where poets are fags
and fighters are losers.
#2
last two lines are good.
the swearing is... honestly, ridiculously out of place, imo.
i took nothing out of the first three stanzas.
the line break between l2/3 in the last stanza is poor.

i'm not in the greatest of moods, so excuse the bluntness.
everyone will disagree, so take this how you want.
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^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#3
Quote by bluesybilly
Hopes and Dreams are Bullshit
I just wanted her and all of her friends,
at one time,
in my backseat.

You could perhaps try to expand on this stanza, it's very to the point and in your face, doesn't require any thought at all; but hey, maybe you intended it that way?

I never loved her
we already knew that was bullshit,
if I keep telling myself that
then its fucking true.

Once again, very to the point and without any intellectual requirements from the reader, I think you could also play around with this to make it not only longer, but mroe importantly more interesting

its hard when you know they deserve better.
and you cant be that better,
you can be the worse.

Get rid of 'you can be the worse' and replace it with something different. We already know you can't be that better, so you needn't tell us that you can be the worse as it is already implied and most people would have guessed this.

the badass with a pen,
without any balls to speak of
in the heart of a real world,
where poets are fags
and fighters are losers.

This is probably the best stanza in the poem, but (although I sound likea broken record) you should also mix things up a bit, just to try to make it more interesting. Maybe use some metaphors or word play? I dunno, it's up to you really, but like I said there is just nothing special or interesting about it.


Overall, I didn't really like it so much simply because it was like watching a TV show where everything is explained directly to you and you just sit there and listen, whereas I think if I had to actually 'decipher' some of the phrases, I would like it way more, as I think it is a nice idea.

Sorry if I come across as harsh, but there is no point in lying if you want an honest critique.

Crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=987872