#1
Something i'm working on.


Envy is as envy does
Because envy wants what envy was
Zealots and bigots use the same tree
To shelter from you and me

Throw rotten meat and stale fruit
Beg, steal, borrow and loot
Hang them all without trial
Condemn those that do not smile

Envy is as envy does
Envy is as envy does
#2
it's okay, you know.
the rhyming is kinda cheesy and i don't think you pulled it off all that cleanly.
but it's not terrible.
it's just not really all that original or thought-provoking. Yet.
work on it though.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#3
^ pretty much what he said, you could throw in some more lines to make it that little bit more outstanding and thought provoking. I would get rid of the last line of both stanzas, as the rhyming sounds extremely forced. I don't want to put you off or anything, as this can be turned into a really good piece, it just needs a bit more work. I would also suggest throwing in some word play, so that the reader actually has to be thinking and alert to understand the poem. I hope this helps a bit, just my opinion really.

Crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=987872