#1
Crit for Crit
Please Crit this
Please

This is a raw, fast paced, dylanesque, folk song

Watch them shadows movin, and the
Train of cops a-comin, and they
Struttin down the alleyway
Lookin to shoot a free man down

In the land of the free, theyre-a
Drownin in a sea of darkness
Life behind clangin iron bars for doin nothin
Nothin At all!

"Worse than death" the innocent says!
And the copper plays him down
Take me god, take me away from this
Piece of shit town

With the prick of a needle
He coulda been dead, but the
People in the jury wanted his head they said
"There ain't gonna be no mercy for you at all!!"

Quarter hour till he saw god
Cops came in and he went out with a nod
He lay with his ass in the air and his nose to the ground
Like a sick old dog

With the flick of a switch the lights go off, and
The cops beat him to the ground, and
They smash him till he gets bloody, when there's
Not a soul around

With spit in his eyes he tries to get up, But
They keep knockin down that bloody pup, But
That pup inside him just gives up, and
Takes off into heaven

The hungry Guillotine lookin on says
"Man, you greedy coppers, I wanted some"
They heaved the corpse into the monsters mouth
He says "Man what a dinner!"

Like a train the posse rolls, the judge passes by
And says "Howdy boys"
"Hey man, the deed is done, the blade had fun, and we beat him a ton"
Off to the bar them coppers went, they got drunk and sung.
sup, my name is abe
Last edited by abluesman100 at Oct 30, 2008,
#2
pretty good man. i liked it
When I buy my wife, at first she cook good, her vagine worked well, she strong on plow, but three years later when she was fifteen, she receive hair on her chest, her voice become deep, "BORAT, BORAT", and her vagine hang like sleeve of wizard
#4
first off sorry about the lateness of my crit. with this song i think that it really depends on the music behind it, i could picture it being an upbeat almost grateful dead esque song. the lyrics are good but there were certain spots that i think you overused ryhmes, im really bad with that too. overal good job man

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=16972154#post16972154

crit my latest?
Last edited by sublime4evr at Nov 2, 2008,