#1
Intro: Guitar Solo

Verse 1:
I know your friends don’t understand me
They think I live my life in cyberspace
But girl you got to understand there’s a man behind it all
a man who loves you more than your friends could ever hope to know

Chorus:
Tonight I want you in my life
I’ll always be by your side girl
don’t reformat the program of our love

Babe, our software’s so complete
to share your love would be so sweet
Awe girl please
Don’t press ctrl alt delete!

Verse 2:
I only ask that you believe in us
don’t let the world break up our souls
together we can beat the odds and build our lives anew
trust in me, I’ll set your free, together they’ll be nothing we can’t do

Chorus:
Tonight I want you in my life
I’ll always be by your side girl
don’t reformat the program of our love

Babe, our software’s so complete
to share your love would be so sweet
Awe girl please
Don’t press ctrl alt delete!

Bridge 1:
Girl I’ve gotta tell you
some things you really need to know
before you run away
and recycle bin our romance

Pre-Chorus: You are the virus I’d never remove, and why should I do?

Chorus:
Tonight I want you in my life
I’ll always be by your side girl
don’t reformat the program of our love

Babe, our software’s so complete
to share your love would be so sweet
Awe girl please
Don’t press ctrl alt delete!

Bridge 2:
Girl You installed the best in me
You'r always in my background
For You clicked my heart gently and
thats why you drive me crazy

Pre-Chorus: You are the virus I’d never remove, and why should I do?

Chorus:
Tonight I want you in my life
I’ll always be by your side girl
don’t reformat the program of our love

Babe, our software’s so complete
to share your love would be so sweet
Awe girl please
Don’t press ctrl alt delete!
#2
I thought it was good. In my opinion, it sounded like a computer nerd trying to tell a girl he loves her, but the only way he can explain it and tell her is by relating it to computers, and electronics, and science, etc. I don't know if that's what you wanted or not, but it works. The rhyme and flow were interesting too.

Also could you crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=989790
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#3
t was well written... but... the whole idea is cheesy, and the constant "aww" and "baby" got on my nerves. i dont like it.
Last edited by ginjaninja at Oct 31, 2008,
#4
Quote by emoo69
Intro: Guitar Solo

Verse 1:
I know your friends don’t understand me
They think I live my life in cyberspace
But girl you got to understand there’s a man behind it all
a man who loves you more than your friends could ever hope to know
i like the first verse. only thing is the fourth line is a ton longer. instead of a man who loves you maybe go down to he loves you since started talking about a man last line
Chorus:
Tonight I want you in my life
I’ll always be by your side girl
don’t reformat the program of our love

Babe, our software’s so complete
to share your love would be so sweet
Awe girl please
Don’t press ctrl alt delete!
and now the using of "babe, girl" is getting overused. this piece can do without it i think.
Verse 2:
I only ask that you believe in us
don’t let the world break up our souls
together we can beat the odds and build our lives anew
trust in me, I’ll set your free, together they’ll be nothing we can’t do
i like the in-line rhymes here. but im not sure they'll is the word you were looking for. there'll makes more sense
Chorus:
Tonight I want you in my life
I’ll always be by your side girl
don’t reformat the program of our love

Babe, our software’s so complete
to share your love would be so sweet
Awe girl please
Don’t press ctrl alt delete!
again with the babe, girl etc.
Bridge 1:
Girl I’ve gotta tell you
some things you really need to know
before you run away
and recycle bin our romance
now its to the point where i cant stand girl. i get it that youre talking to her. it doesnt need to be restated over
Pre-Chorus: You are the virus I’d never remove, and why should I do?

Chorus:
Tonight I want you in my life
I’ll always be by your side girl
don’t reformat the program of our love

Babe, our software’s so complete
to share your love would be so sweet
Awe girl please
Don’t press ctrl alt delete!
...pretty sure you know what the only problem is. oh! and in the second stanza of the chorus..im not sure why awe girl please is in there. kinda disrupts the flow for me
Bridge 2:
Girl You installed the best in me
You'r always in my background
For You clicked my heart gently and
thats why you drive me crazy
ending a line on a linking verb is a no-no...just move that to the next line and its gold
Pre-Chorus: You are the virus I’d never remove, and why should I do?

Chorus:
Tonight I want you in my life
I’ll always be by your side girl
don’t reformat the program of our love

Babe, our software’s so complete
to share your love would be so sweet
Awe girl please
Don’t press ctrl alt delete!


overall it is a pretty good piece. sorry if i sounded like a dick there's really no problem with it after you cut out all dozen or so of the babes. and girls. they're ok every once in a while but not every time through the chorus man.

check out story of a young man if you would
#5
Quote by emoo69
Intro: Guitar Solo

Verse 1:
I know your friends don’t understand me
They think I live my life in cyberspace
But girl you got to understand there’s a man behind it all
a man who loves you more than your friends could ever hope to know
Like this Verse it sets the scene well

Chorus:
Tonight I want you in my life
I’ll always be by your side girl
don’t reformat the program of our love
The First 2 lines are good i would mabey change the 3rd line though.

Babe, our software’s so complete
to share your love would be so sweet
Awe girl please
Don’t press ctrl alt delete!
I like this it rythms and flows really well.

Verse 2:
I only ask that you believe in us
don’t let the world break up our souls
together we can beat the odds and build our lives anew
trust in me, I’ll set your free, together they’ll be nothing we can’t do
I dont really Get this verse I dont think it really fits in with the cyberspace theme.

Chorus:
Tonight I want you in my life
I’ll always be by your side girl
don’t reformat the program of our love


Babe, our software’s so complete
to share your love would be so sweet
Awe girl please
Don’t press ctrl alt delete!

Bridge 1:
Girl I’ve gotta tell you
some things you really need to know
before you run away
and recycle bin our romance
I dont really like the last line i would mabey take away Bin.

Pre-Chorus: You are the virus I’d never remove, and why should I do?

Chorus:
Tonight I want you in my life
I’ll always be by your side girl
don’t reformat the program of our love

Babe, our software’s so complete
to share your love would be so sweet
Awe girl please
Don’t press ctrl alt delete!

Bridge 2:
Girl You installed the best in me
You'r always in my background
For You clicked my heart gently and
thats why you drive me crazy
Im not so sure about this bridge it doesnt seem to have mutch flow.


Pre-Chorus: You are the virus I’d never remove, and why should I do?

Chorus:
Tonight I want you in my life
I’ll always be by your side girl
don’t reformat the program of our love

Babe, our software’s so complete
to share your love would be so sweet
Awe girl please
Don’t press ctrl alt delete!



Overall i like it, there is a few bit i would change here and there.

Also a tip try using punctuation like a coma or full stop at the end of lines, it just makes it a lot nicer to read.


Mabey Crit mine? Link is in sig.
C4C
Latest song: Fading Silhouettes


Quote by goest
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#6
I thought this was a really cool idea, something not to be taken too seriously; I could picture Bowling for Soup or a similar band doing a song like this. But like some of the other guys have pointed out, you may say 'awww' and 'babe' and 'girl' etc. when singing it, but try to avoid actually writing it down when possible, as it does get quite annoying. I also didn't like the line "tonight I want you in my life" in the chorus, it just didn't go well with the rest of the chorus IMO. You shouldn't consider changing it with something else, perhaps also computer related.

Overall I really liked it, I thought it was funny and well written, and most of the people who try to be funny often fail miserably.

Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=987872
#7
Add something about overloading your CPU with heart-shaped pop-ups promising penis enlargement and erections till your 90 and this would be ingenious.

Of course, something about ramjamming her hard drive with your 3 1/2" floppys and 9" discs and flilling the head phones socket with your cable jack wouldn't go amiss either.


Much better than her increasing the hue and brightness on your dimly glowing monitor, tapping the keys in all the right ways, turning your off switch on, heating your battery, blowing hot air out of your fans, or leaving you coding MS-DOS script to find the sensibilites in the the jargon you call love.


Just some suggestions, hope you like.
Once We Were Anarchists
#9
Quote by wfbrady09


check out story of a young man if you would
sorry but the link doesnt work
Last edited by emoo69 at Nov 2, 2008,
#10
Quote by Mr Maggot

Bridge 2:
Girl You installed the best in me
You'r always in my background
For You clicked my heart gently and
thats why you drive me crazy
Im not so sure about this bridge it doesnt seem to have mutch flow.

.


Yeah well Bridge 1 and 2 is like part 1 and 2 of a story and the music I have for It it really flows very nicely.