#1
So I have a few original recordings and I was hoping to get some critique (since I've just started writing songs recently).

http://artists.ultimate-guitar.com/timothyfobrien


If you could give me some lyrical critique (and musical critique is also appreciated), that would be great.
Last edited by Timothy O. at Jan 6, 2009,
#3
Thanks. I'll check yours out. As for the vocals and guitar, that's actually a problem I've been running into. My mic isn't the best quality (I use an MXL .006 usb condenser), and I've been having a lot of difficulty recording it so the vocals sound good over the guitar.
#4
Hey, thanks for the comments.

First off i love your Viva la vida cover, voice and backing vocals are great, although a little too low as sbikram said, but congrats man you nailed it
Now for your original recordings :P

Paranoia induced self enemy is a catchy song, I was just wondering are you keeping it acoustic or are you going to try going electric with it cos i reckon thats got some great potential! Im liking the lyrics too, Maybe id add a little bridge or something in the middle to add a bit of variety? Apart from that I cant think of anything to improve, well done!

The instruments on If you were a song are lovely very nice atmosphere you got going there, but as before just the vocals so low let it down a bit, but if you cant help it with the equipment, thats fair enough, and your voice on run reminds me of Jack White, which is a good thing, but sometimes the guitars sound out of time with eachother, dont know if that was intentional? Or is it my mind imagining thing :P My favourite would have to be If you were a song if you could just get the vocals up :P
#5
Paranoia was actually written as an electric song (and believe me, it actually hurt my hand to play it on acoustic XD), but I wanted to have a recording of it I could go back to, so I did it acoustic. Glad you like it though

Vocals, like I said before, I really can't help. I've been having trouble with that considering my mic quality, but I'll keep tryin'. I hear them out of time a bit too. I'll try fixing that later. Also, people have told me I sound like Jack before (he's my idol so I have no problem with that ).

Thanks for the crit.
#6
Some very nice songs there!

Run

Sounds like quite a dark song to me. You have a good voice, the guitar riffs are nice and suit the aggression in the songs. You go flat or too high in some places; I like it when you put the aggression into the singing, it sounds good, but at times you put a bit too much strain on it, just work on it man!

If you were a song

Cool song! Quite sentimental, and its got a nice relaxing sort of feel to it. The singing is good aswell, but its too drowned out by the guitar!

Paranoia Induced Self-Enemy

This has to be my favourite out of your songs! It's awesome, It's sort of similar to the style of my song Golden Silence. Really clear guitar and vocals, maybe the vocals up a nats penis. I reckon, if you put a harmonization of the chorus, it would work wonders, but thats just my screwed up head.


Overall dude, I like your stuff. You can see the recordings are getting better by each one. The guitar falls out of time in places, with the lead, and the vocals fall flat sometimes. Just take your time, don't rush it, it's a song you wrote which means for you... So why not spend time perfecting it!

Good job

*Edit* Ill have a look at your lyrics too soon!
*Double ****ing edit* What Bit Rate is the clip? I can hear like a sort of wierd low rumbling sound in the back, I got this on my Golden Silence (which was recorded at 356), so i changed it to 256
Last edited by Chozz at Nov 2, 2008,
#7
I only had time to listen to "If you were a song" but I can say that is was quite good. Too bad the guitars are way louder than the vocals. You should try to arrange that. However, I still understood the lyrics and they felt very sentimental.

It was pretty relaxing, good job

Cheers for the crit!
#8
Paranoia Induced Self-Enemy
-Really liked this song, liked the lyrics that go along with it and you've got a good voice too.

If you were a song
--Liked the guitar but your voice was kind of faint

Run
-Guitar and lyrics were great


Personally can't choose between Paranoia Included Self-Enemy and Run but noice jobs on your original songs keep up the good work
#9
Thanks for the crits guys. I'm guessing the main problem is vocal volume. I'll try and fix that in the future. I made a new song, "Dissonant Harmony" so crit that please.
#10
Dissonant Harmony: Whoa, nice stuff. I´m not too fond on the vocals for the verses, I dunno, singing would fit better. Chorus was great, you got some nice melodies in there. Nice little fill you did with the guitar. 2nd Verse and Chorus was great, too. Bridge/solo was nice, really fitted the mood I like the use of spoken and sung words throughout the song. Chorus and outro was great, too. Nice stuff, keep on writing songs!
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Quote by Lord-O-Donuts
Banned for being the coolest April 08'er on UG.


please check out my own album:
almilano.bandcamp.com
#11
If you were a song has a nice feel to it, something I'd drive to on a calm day, the vocals are again, drowned by the guitars, but you should have layered it and mixed it, sing on top of the guitars next time and you'll get better quality, but overall its got a really nice idea to it.

Run, I didn't like very much, use your diaphram when you sing so you can hit the higher notes, because I noticed you were straining your voice, guitars in the beginning were a bit...weird, I'm guessing, did you play like...3 guitars at once? it was only on the 1st bar or so, but it definetely ruined the intro for me, although it is dark.

Overall, nice job, just do a few of those things and your later recordings will sound great, you have a better mic than I do.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=991934
#12
Quote by Madzää
Dissonant Harmony: Whoa, nice stuff. I´m not too fond on the vocals for the verses, I dunno, singing would fit better. Chorus was great, you got some nice melodies in there. Nice little fill you did with the guitar. 2nd Verse and Chorus was great, too. Bridge/solo was nice, really fitted the mood I like the use of spoken and sung words throughout the song. Chorus and outro was great, too. Nice stuff, keep on writing songs!


Thanks. I did sing the verses, I just added the growls in there to add to the atmosphere of the song.

Quote by Eric 666
guitars in the beginning were a bit...weird, I'm guessing, did you play like...3 guitars at once? it was only on the 1st bar or so, but it definetely ruined the intro for me, although it is dark.


Yeah it was three guitars. I dunno, I kinda liked it and thought it might be neat to add in. Guess not.

Also new song. I wrote it with one of my bandmates today. It's called "Dance With Change". As usual I will crit4crit.
#13
Listened to Dance with change.

The song itself is very good. The transition from verse to chorus is a bit jarring. I didn't expect that. Vocals are again too low. The little lead bit could be done with a little more passion. Seemed forced or sloppy to me.

Other than that I liked the song. A real cool House of the Rising sun feel.
#15
You got talent man. My fav has to be "paranoia". Anyway you can send me the tab? lol

I suggest you get the free program "Audacity". Record your vocals and guitars separately. Then mix'em together. That way you can adjust the volume with some accuracy!
#16
Quote by Djevik
You got talent man. My fav has to be "paranoia". Anyway you can send me the tab? lol

I suggest you get the free program "Audacity". Record your vocals and guitars separately. Then mix'em together. That way you can adjust the volume with some accuracy!


I can try and tab it out for ya. I still have to tab out Dissonant for a friend.

Also, I use Audacity. My problem as far as recording vocals alone is that they always end up too... I dunno, not natural when I record them and mix them with the guitar.
#17
"not natural when I record them and mix them with the guitar."

Just move the mic then. Play with the mic next to the guitar. Then play it again with the mic next to your face. That way it's natural.
#18
i really like the simple leads over the chords its a really catchy sound
and your voice is like perfect man! great lyrics too
thanks for the crit!
Quote by bass-boy-garith
Quote by guitarhero_764
I guess I'm kind of like a hippie. I'm anti-war, do drugs, and like communism.
Your not a hippie, just a ****ing moron.
#19
Quote by Djevik
"not natural when I record them and mix them with the guitar."

Just move the mic then. Play with the mic next to the guitar. Then play it again with the mic next to your face. That way it's natural.


That's what I've been trying. I dunno, there's probably something I'm not doing right with it. I'll get it eventually.

Also, I just recorded a little jam thing while screwing around with my keyboard and electric guitar. I call it Tripolar (I use three different drum beats throughout). It's just me fooling around but tell me what you think.
#20
Hey
I just lisnt to messed up hair
I liked the mellow mood you've created and also how its all you but youve got multiple layers in there with the guitar parts. Keep up the good work. I do think however the vocals should have a bit of a boost volume wise but other than that.... no complaints.
Excellent
#21
Quote by no lolage
Hey
I just lisnt to messed up hair
I liked the mellow mood you've created and also how its all you but youve got multiple layers in there with the guitar parts. Keep up the good work. I do think however the vocals should have a bit of a boost volume wise but other than that.... no complaints.
Excellent


Thanks. I like to keep things light and mellow (its why I often use open strings).

Also, I'm working on an album for National Solo Album Month. Uploaded one of the tracks, "Aura". Let me know what you think.
#22
Thanks for the crit.. Paranoia Induced Self-Enemy is a very good song.. very catchy.. Dance With Change.... Vocals need raising a bit in the mix, sounded good though, I like the vocal line in the chorus. Some great songwriting, well done. I'll check out some of your other stuff later.
"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life.Get wasted all the time, and you'll have the time of your life!" ~ Billy Connolly
#23
I completely forgot about this.

In any case, last month I had uploaded the songs from a mini-album I had made called "Silent Departure". Looking back most of the songs were mediocre at best (save for about two in my opinion). In any case I'd still like any critique you could give (things you liked about the songs, didnt like. I plan on reusing the good parts of these songs to make better ones, since these were actually rushed and have plenty of potential elsewhere). Also, yes I am aware the tracks are kinda out of time (maybe a little more than kinda).
#24
You asked for a lyrical critique, and they in general sound pretty good. easy to relate to, good schemes, the vocals were generally good, iffy at some spots, but the thing is (and youve already been told this) but its critical that the vocals are louder. i listen to most of them, and they are generally pretty good, but something that really pulls down all the tracks is the recording quality, due to the out of time tracks, the mix is kind or off. but overall nice tunes youve made.

crit mine?
check out "is there a girl out there" on my profile
and if its not to much trouble, check out the vid in my sig
My Gear

Epiphone Les Paul Standard
Epiphone Elitist Paul Mccartney Texan
Orange Tiny Terror
Vox Valvetronix AD 30
Vox V847 Wah
Metal Muff EQ (broken )
Boss RC-2 Loop pedal

Me playing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0unpDZFIWA