#1
Hey, been a while since I posted a song here. Probably pretty rusty, so any help, comments or whatever is appreciated So here's the lyrics (probably will sound hard to sing, so try to focus on just the lyrics themselves XD) Not very happy with bolded lyrics

Water Oil Love Fire:


It started out so simple, so genuine
So fragile and yet so complete
When you were sitting, I was at your side
And when you stood I was on my feet
My love was yours forever
Yours was his when I wasn’t around
Your emotions, were so shallow
And in mine, you practically drowned

You gave me a candle, to symbolize our love
I lit it, and it burned on through the day
That candle is still burning,
Along with the scars of your memories
That I cannot wash away.

I could see him, in your eyes
You could never have hide anything like this
But my passion, was an obsession
So I submerged my ignorance in bliss
I lead myself to think it was over
There was no reason for you to leave
But in my heart, I knew you wouldn’t stay

A picture, a thought, some notes and a stain
Are the only evidence you were mine
I thought I bent over backwards for you
Now I know,
It was because I don’t have a spine

You gave me a candle, to symbolize our love
I lit it, and it burned on through the day
That candle is still burning,
Along with the scars of your memories
That I cannot wash away.

Thoughts of you come like avalanches
Burying everything in their way
Now my mind wanders in cliché movie scenes
While my heart will not cease to decay
Now no longer bound to you
I reach out for a hand
While I grasp nothing but air
I know I was never a man


I still have the candle you gave to me,
And it thrives on through the days
Burning in my head thoughts
Thoughts of scars, thoughts of fires
Thoughts that know I can’t wash them away.
Last edited by NinthDetour at Nov 3, 2008,
#3
I liked it couple places were it didnt flow good coulpe lines I felt should be cut out or re written but overall an amazing piece 9/10

sorry bout that my bad

I lit it, and it burned on through the day
That candle is still burning,
i dont know why i didnt like this I guess it just didnt flow right


I lead allowed myself to think it was over
this line was unclear i lead allowed is what threw me off


Thoughts that know I can’t wash them away.
get rid of the them and this should be fine
Last edited by therealtater at Nov 1, 2008,
#5
Water Oil Love Fire:


It started out so simple, so genuine
So fragile and yet so complete
When you were sitting, I was at your side
And when you stood I was on my feet
My love was yours forever
Yours was his when I wasn’t around
Your emotions, were so shallow
And in mine, you practically drowned

You gave me a candle, to symbolize our love
I lit it, and it burned on through the day
That candle is still burning,
Along with the scars of your memories
That I cannot wash away.

I could see him, in your eyes
You could never have hide anything like this
But my passion, was an obsession
So I submerged my ignorance in bliss
I lead allowed myself to think it was over
There was no reason for you to leave
But in my heart, I knew you wouldn’t stay

This was my favorite part. Not alot of people connect bending over backwards with being spinless...it was kind of unexpected and I loved it.
A picture, a thought, some notes and a stain
Are the only evidence you were mine
I thought I bent over backwards for you
Now I know,
It was because I don’t have a spine

You gave me a candle, to symbolize our love
I lit it, and it burned on through the day
That candle is still burning,
Along with the scars of your memories
That I cannot wash away.

Thoughts of you come like avalanches
Burying everything in their way
Now my mind wanders in cliché movie scenes
While my heart will not cease to decay I don't know why but I'm not sure I like "will not cease" maybe try to find something else that fits.
Now no longer bound to you

I reach out for a hand
While I grasp nothing but air
I know I was never a man

I still have the candle you gave to me,
And it thrives on through the days
Burning in my head thoughts
Thoughts of scars, thoughts of fires
Thoughts that know I can’t wash them away.


Overall I really liked it. It was a nice read and just needs some fine tuning. Any other songs?

Listen to my covers here.


"Some even claim that I'm a terror, a dictator and they're right." - Lou Reed


AK-ROWDY
#6
^Yeah, I worked with that line for the longest time. No other songs yet, but working on 3 right now, one might be up as soon as tonight. I'm not liking the last 4 lines in my final verse (not chorus). Any help on those lines specifically would be appreciated.

Also, changed the line with the lead allowed. That was a typo. The thoughts take on a different persona in the last line, which is why I refer to them as "them."
Last edited by NinthDetour at Nov 3, 2008,