#1
Work in progress like most of my songs

Something so incredible

Verse

Looking at the stars in the distance
wondering how they can be so beautiful
in this instance i think i might lose my mind
cause im think about you all the time

Looking at the painted sky
I see the paint brush draped across
this blank canvas. in the mist i'm lost in this
i don't know what words are coing from my lips

Chorus

I witnessed something so incredible
like the falling rain and the laughter almost insane
i witnessed something so incredible
like the falling rain and the freedom from pain
...it was you


thats it so far, any comments are appreciated
#4
Quote by Chris_dp
Work in progress like most of my songs

Something so incredible

Verse

Looking at the stars in the distance
wondering how they can be so beautiful
in this instance i think i might lose my mind
cause i'm think about you all the time

Context wise, this was good. This stanza as a hole is good but, although it's a song, don't forget to punctuate. This had a great rhythm to it. I speaking of punctuating, a comma might be suitable after instance, no?

Looking at the painted sky
I see the paint brush draped across
this blank canvas. in the mist i'm lost in this
i don't know what words are coming from my lips

Wonderful, the more I read the more I want to actually here this; which is a first here in UG. I especially enjoyed that second line.

Chorus

I witnessed something so incredible
like the falling rain and the laughter almost insane
i witnessed something so incredible
like the falling rain and the freedom from pain
...it was you

This works well as a chorus but maybe a pre-chorus to introduce this might be more suitable, also this will create a more dramatic effect, as far as it goes in context anyway.




A nice little song, this has great potential my friend.

BTW, a quick read at "Dry foliages2, my latest piece would be highly appreciated. Here's a link: http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=990288
#5
I would agree with pretty much everything Bleed Away said
I really like it and yeah, it has great potential

Check out some of my stuf as well if you have time
See sig for the links
My current acoustic group:

Fiftieth Parallel

Martin Guitars
Elixer Strings
Acoustic amplification
BOSS pedals