#1
Well there’s wars going on in the Middle East
And there’s wars going on up and down these streets
In the towns, and the little white houses with the picket fence

Daddy left home round 7 or 8, with liquor on his breath and suitcase in his hands
Said I ain’t comin’ back again
Momma stayed up and she cried all night
While Daddies getting drunk and pickin’ fights
While the kids, they’re lying awake in their beds.

Sister’s wakin’ up at the break of dawn, so she can go to school with her make-up on
And she cries, all alone at night.
But she doesn’t let them see her with the tears in her eyes, the guilt will destroy her till the day that she dies
Cause she thinks, that it is all her fault

And brother’s drinkin’ whiskey in the back of the car, yeah he’s feeling up a girl with a t-shirt on and he hides it.
He tucks it all away.
He doesn’t let them see him with the tears in his eyes, the liquor will destroy him till the day that he dies
Cause he thinks, that it is all his fault

Yeah Poppa’s in bar’s drinking through the pain. Living all alone just one more day but he can’t, he can’t go back again.
He’s crying on the pavement in the cold dark night, the loneliness destroyed him till the day he died
Cause he thought, that it was all his fault

There’s war’s going on in the Middle East.
There’s war’s going on up and down these streets.

[C4C?]
#2
I liked it. The 3rd stanza was the best. The only thing is that you should take more times spacing you lines and using punctuation. It really helps get the point across more than most people realize.

C4C....it's in my sig.

Listen to my covers here.


"Some even claim that I'm a terror, a dictator and they're right." - Lou Reed


AK-ROWDY
#3
Yeah I thought it was pretty good.
I agree with musicjunkie207 about punctuation etc.
I've had said to me several times that to emphisise something you shouldn't use (for example) 'don't' but use 'do not' instead.
I think just changing that and 'Because' instead of 'Cause' would make it a LOT better and into a very good song/poem.
Also if it is a song i'm intriguied to hear what it would sound like with music etc.
I'll have another look at it if/when you change it

EDIT: I also though the second stanza was the best. (It's very good)
My current acoustic group:

Fiftieth Parallel

Martin Guitars
Elixer Strings
Acoustic amplification
BOSS pedals

#4
I typed it out the way that it was going to be sung so that would be why I had "'Cause" and the like. However, I'll work on the punctuation. It's hard to convey the timing when it's on paper so this was really just a quickly typed up version of what I had written on paper. But thanks for the feedback so far.
#5
Ah sounds fair enough
I think "Sister’s wakin’ up at the break of dawn, so she can go to school with her make-up on
And she cries, all alone at night." is an awesome few lines
My current acoustic group:

Fiftieth Parallel

Martin Guitars
Elixer Strings
Acoustic amplification
BOSS pedals