#1
A bitter betrayal
Validate me?
You slit my neck
And still tried to suffocate me
Words and reason take side with treason
I'm losing my mind
Can't figure out what the **** to do

Fallen, fallen right into the arms of death
Cradled gently, enjoyed every caress
The warmth of her skin, blackest of velvet
Let go, so we both could live
Gave you my heart
For now it's all I've got to give

Somethings never change
Forever destined to remain the same
Even if I try
I'll never forget you
Could you shed one tear
And let me know theres something in you
In me
That's still alive
'Cause I'm headstrong,
Refuse to let this die

Fallen, fallen right into the arms of death
Cradled gently, enjoyed every caress
The warmth of her skin, blackest of velvet
Let go, so we both could live
Gave you my heart
For now it's all I've got to give

If you're dead inside, just look at me
Plead your case, kill it
So I can run
Far, far away from everything
My gear
Ibanez RG7321
Jackson Warrior WRXT *FS/FT*
Jasmine J35
Squier Fender P-Bass
Ibanez TBX150H
Crate 4x12
Fender Rumble 60


Part of UG's 7 STRING LEGION
#2
Quote by ReinventingEvil
A bitter betrayal
Validate me?
This was really confusing. I had a hard time getting past these two lines, as they really don't flow well. Short questions in a song should only come after an explination of the question, not "Bitter Betrayal".
You slit my neck
And still tried to suffocate me
Words and reason take side with treason
I'm losing my mind
Can't figure out what the **** to do
Not a fan of using cuss words unless it is a huge point you are driving home. I'd sugges something like I don't know what's left for me to do or something.

Fallen, fallen right into the arms of death
Cradled gently, I enjoyed every caress
The warmth of her skin, blackest of velvet
Let go, so we both could live
Gave you my heart
For now it's all I've got to give
I liked this, though felt "I" was neded to give it a more personal feel. Nice verse though.

Somethings never change
Forever destined to remain the same
Eh, feels a little redundant and overused. Just my opinion though.
Even if I try
I'll never forget
Got rid of you because you refer to "you" in the next to lines.
Could you shed one tear
And let me know theres something in you
In me
That's still alive
'Cause I'm headstrong,
Refuse to let this die
Headstrong, going take you on! Great line from Trapt, works okay here. XD

Fallen, fallen right into the arms of death
Cradled gently, I enjoyed every caress
The warmth of her skin, blackest of velvet
Let go, so we both could live
Gave you my heart
For now it's all I've got to give

If you're dead inside, just look at me
Plead your case, kill it
Doesn't really feel like it flows much at all. Kill it is a very sharp phrase, both in meaning and in speach. It is difficult to stretch it or say it in anything but scream. Which is fine, but then it would need the same amount of symlobs as Plead your case. I'd change one of these two lines.
So I can run
Far, far away from everything


Overall, nice read. A few minor things, but the overall flow was pretty good. Solid 8.3/10

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