#1
My draft English coursework is writing a short story (750 words). I had to choose a book to influenced by, I chose 1984. So I don't copy it completely, I chose the theme of someone stalking people, but all from the stalkers point of view. The main character works for the government, but the reader doesn't exactly know what he does.

The problem I'm having is the plot. The basic ideas are there but I'm unsure on where to take the story, what the main action/conflict will be.

Any suggestions? Thanks a lot.
#3
stalker raped man named big ron for 750 words
/thread
Quote by Deliriumbassist
marmite, vegemite, termite...

anything that ends with -mite is the work of Satan's retarded cousin Vinnie.
#4
Have you actually written anything that I could potentially read?
Or is this all you've got, I will try to help but it'd be easier to go on a bit more.
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#5
The narrator devises a plan to totally own Winston Smith by deception.

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#6
The main character could wet himself and then the police could sticky his thread ... I mean be keeping an eye on him closely and then someone could laugh at him and he starts stalking them for revenge but then gets attached.
#7
well i'd focus more on the person being stalked right now, if the stalkers working for the government, the person he's stalking has to be quite an important figure.
Sig space available, give me some praise
#8
How about the women he is dating/whatever is the person he gets told he has to follow, and eventually kill?

Or maybe he gets driven insane but having to do this...
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#9
Quote by floppypick
Have you actually written anything that I could potentially read?
Or is this all you've got, I will try to help but it'd be easier to go on a bit more.

What I have so far-

"People often asked me if I enjoyed my line of work. It was one of those questions that I could never really answer, that I could never truly be honest about. Was tracking people's every move and invading their privacy without them knowing enjoyable? In short- only sometimes.

The most recent job they'd stuck me with was tailgating some young guy who [insert naughty thing here]. So here I was, crouching on a wet roof at one o' clock in the morning clutching a camera and a notepad waiting for [something]."

I'm trying to set the scene gradually but at the same time, step into the action right away. This is why I need help, so I can decide where the story needs to go.
#10
having him killed would be a typical ending, and it would be expected. you can't use that, unless there's nothing else you (or we) can think of thats any good.

have one of the other people in the government building he works in go postal, and your main character is the only one he spares, because he has helped him somehow in life.
#11
Quote by Tom_hatton
What I have so far-

"People often asked me if I enjoyed my line of work. It was one of those questions that I could never really answer, that I could never truly be honest about. Was tracking people's every move and invading their privacy without them knowing enjoyable? In short- only sometimes.

The most recent job they'd stuck me with was tailgating some young guy who [insert naughty thing here]. So here I was, crouching on a wet roof at one o' clock in the morning clutching a camera and a notepad waiting for [something]."

I'm trying to set the scene gradually but at the same time, step into the action right away. This is why I need help, so I can decide where the story needs to go.


You have a very good writing style. I guess the obvious way to go is some kind of action scene when the guy leaves whatever this place is or to have him do something inside, like hear a scream and have to go investigate it, you have a few options there really.
#12
Quote by Tom_hatton
What I have so far-

"People often asked me if I enjoyed my line of work. It was one of those questions that I could never really answer, that I could never truly be honest about. Was tracking people's every move and invading their privacy without them knowing enjoyable? In short- only sometimes.

The most recent job they'd stuck me with was tailgating some young guy who [insert naughty thing here]. So here I was, crouching on a wet roof at one o' clock in the morning clutching a camera and a notepad waiting for [something]."

I'm trying to set the scene gradually but at the same time, step into the action right away. This is why I need help, so I can decide where the story needs to go.


Alright, one thing I found in there sort of weird sounding was the "So here I was" is this the character telling about the past, or is he telling it as it happens?

Maybe the guy grabs a gun and is going to off himself, the main character has to make the decision whether to save him, watch a man kill himself. You could probably write an entire story about that... I'd read it
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#14
make him fall in love with his target, or similarly to the movie the lives of others, make the stalker became sympathetic to the cause
#15
Quote by aaciseric
You have a very good writing style.

Thank you

I guess the obvious way to go is some kind of action scene when the guy leaves whatever this place is or to have him do something inside, like hear a scream and have to go investigate it, you have a few options there really.

I like that idea. It allows to still write action and keep the stalker theme, but not directly copy 1984. Cheers!

Quote by floppypick
Alright, one thing I found in there sort of weird sounding was the "So here I was" is this the character telling about the past, or is he telling it as it happens?

As it happens.

Maybe the guy grabs a gun and is going to off himself, the main character has to make the decision whether to save him, watch a man kill himself. You could probably write an entire story about that... I'd read it

I like that idea too. I wonder if I could combine aaciseric and your idea and create a superstory!
#16
Well, whatever you do, good luck to ye.

And you have to post it when you finish
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#17
Maybe the guy the main character is stalking commits suicide, but turns out to be somebody really important to the government who has betrayed the government by doing something illegal, such as spilling government info to terrorists, and the main character is framed for murder.
#19
You have a nice writing style... It's quite similar to mine infact.
I don't know really. I think you need to describe a job he's already done. Maybe a flashback or something to give it a bit of action but not give anything away in the process.
Saying that, my 'short' novels have always overrun the word count haha
I agree with the previous point of change the sentence to 'So here I am' rather than 'was' - 'was' is past tense.
Quote by Pookie6
Yngwi3, You win this whole monstrosity of a thread.

Quote by uk.mace
For the best tingle, use Original Source mint. That shit feels amazing on your balls.


Godfather of The Diezel Mafia
#20
"It's cold, raining and guess where I am on a night like this? Crouching on a wet roof at one o' clock in the morning clutching a camera and a notepad waiting for"

Is that better?
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#21
K, my brother (who is a writer) helped me out a bit with this. The basic plot now is that he is meant to be taking out a dealer and a regular buyer. However, it turns out the drug is actually not harmful, its a cure for [something]. This leaves him in a moral quandry, and which point the narrative voice switches to the dealers point of view. I haven't written that much more, but here it is-

"People often asked me if I enjoyed my line of work. It was one of those questions that I could never really answer, that I could never truly be honest about. Was tracking people's every move and invading their privacy without them knowing enjoyable? In short- only sometimes.

The most recent job they'd stuck me with was tailgating some young guy who met his drug dealer regularly. So here I am, crouching on a wet roof at one o' clock in the morning clutching a camera, notepad and my assigned weapon, waiting for this scumbag to pick up his illegal substances. My mission here was standard deletion, nothing that hadn't been done before, nothing that presented a problem.

Bending lower, I raised the scope of my weapon to my eyes and started scouting for my target. The buyer was already here, standing half-secluded in the shadow of the office buildings, just out of the main glow of the orange streetlamp. He looked like they all do- dark clothes, a hood- a poor attempt at disguising their identity from people like me and the big, black suits that I worked for. "

I'll update as I write more for those who are interested. Thanks for your help, everyone.
Last edited by Tom_hatton at Nov 2, 2008,
#22
Did anyone else read that in the voice of Max Payne or Sam Fisher? Good plot and writing style TS *applaudes*.
Quote by chimneyfish
"death-metal is the best when its in the shape of a dildo and shoved in my ass"


Born to lose...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...live to Win
#23
Quote by Tom_hatton
K, my brother (who is a writer) helped me out a bit with this. The basic plot now is that he is meant to be taking out a dealer and a regular buyer. However, it turns out the drug is actually not harmful, its a cure for [something]. This leaves him in a moral quandry, and which point the narrative voice switches to the dealers point of view. I haven't written that much more, but here it is-

"People often asked me if I enjoyed my line of work. It was one of those questions that I could never really answer, that I could never truly be honest about. Was tracking people's every move and invading their privacy without them knowing enjoyable? In short- only sometimes.

The most recent job they'd stuck me with was tailgating some young guy who met his drug dealer regularly. So here I am, crouching on a wet roof at one o' clock in the morning clutching a camera, notepad and my assigned weapon, waiting for this scumbag to pick up his illegal substances. My mission here was standard deletion, nothing that hadn't been done before, nothing that presented a problem.

Bending lower, I raised the scope of my weapon to my eyes and started scouting for my target. The buyer was already here, standing half-secluded in the shadow of the office buildings, just out of the main glow of the orange streetlamp. He looked like they all do- dark clothes, a hood- a poor attempt at disguising their identity from people like me and the big, black suits that I worked for. "

I'll update as I write more for those who are interested. Thanks for your help, everyone.


Sounds good, Illegal substances sounded a bit weird though it just sounds awkward compared to the rest of it.
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#25
Quote by spider666
Did anyone else read that in the voice of Max Payne or Sam Fisher? Good plot and writing style TS *applaudes*.


Omg yes I did! Sounds like something from Sin City.
#26
Quote by Tom_hatton
K, my brother (who is a writer) helped me out a bit with this. The basic plot now is that he is meant to be taking out a dealer and a regular buyer. However, it turns out the drug is actually not harmful, its a cure for [something]. This leaves him in a moral quandry, and which point the narrative voice switches to the dealers point of view. I haven't written that much more, but here it is-

"People often asked me if I enjoyed my line of work. It was one of those questions that I could never really answer, that I could never truly be honest about. Was tracking people's every move and invading their privacy without them knowing enjoyable? In short- only sometimes.

The most recent job they'd stuck me with was tailgating some young guy who met his drug dealer regularly. So here I am, crouching on a wet roof at one o' clock in the morning clutching a camera, notepad and my assigned weapon, waiting for this scumbag to pick up his illegal substances. My mission here was standard deletion, nothing that hadn't been done before, nothing that presented a problem.

Bending lower, I raised the scope of my weapon to my eyes and started scouting for my target. The buyer was already here, standing half-secluded in the shadow of the office buildings, just out of the main glow of the orange streetlamp. He looked like they all do- dark clothes, a hood- a poor attempt at disguising their identity from people like me and the big, black suits that I worked for. "

I'll update as I write more for those who are interested. Thanks for your help, everyone.


Awesome. Keep it coming.