#1
Crit4Crit. This is a Slipknot style song, which, like the last song, I wrote when I was bored during class. The words done in bold are meant to be yelled, possibly by multiple people, for emphasis. The words in normal are meant to be sung rapidly, and the ones in italics are mellower, softer. All I really think needs to be changed is that it needs a breakdown in place of the instrumental part, but it's your opinion that matters, not mine. Be brutal with your crits, I mean it.

I
am falling into peices, oh
WHY
could I not see this, and
YOU
tried to warn me of what's inside,
yet all I did was run and hide.


so
NOW
I am left with all this
PAIN
oh, it's driving me in-
SANE
Why is it so hard,
to just take what you said to heart.


I know you told me,
as you tried to hold me,
now I get it...now I see... THAT


RIGHT
is more, than absence of the
WRONG
we both, knew this all a-
LONG
We both knew there was something that we missed,
something that we can never fix.


so,
WHY
would you ruin your life with
ME
I lied, I can't really
SEE
I know there's something wrong with me,
and yet I can't name this desiese.


I know you told me,
as you tried to hold me.
there isn't anything... left of me...
there isn't anything... left to see...
(End mellow; lead into soft, mellow instrumental part).

WHEN
everything is said and
DONE
we are, back where we be-
GUN
The only difference is,
now I truly am hated.
Last edited by herby190 at Nov 3, 2008,
#2
whoa,i like this and i hate slipknot...very nice...doesnt seem forcfully rymed...C4c?? the one in my sig (last line)

thanks

8/10
Just call me Julius, J, etc.
Taking an Internet break for a while, will come on when I can.
#3
Thanks. I just wish I could think of a bridge, from the line "there isn't anything... left to see..." to the last stanza; something mellow, with meaning. I hear it in my head, but I can't put it into words.