#1
Haha, the song name is contradictory to my bands name!

This is about a relationship. I've noticed that I need to change some of the lyrics cuz it makes it sound like a suicide note even though it's only one or two lines that make it seem like that.

{verse 1}
(Why can't you get away)
The ground will shake beneath me
(You're hangin' in my mind)
And I want to let you out.

(The bullet will soon stray)
This will soon let you free
(I'm takin' all your time)
And all you need to do it SHOUT.


{verse 2}
(You still won't go away)
Why can't she leave me?
(It'll bee all over soon)
This must be the end now.

(But soon enough you'll say)
Why with all the questions?
(My lie will reach up to the moon)
But now I have to make this vow.


{Chorus}-----------------------------Reapeat once more.
(You're out to get me)
Get away
(You're out to get me)
Get away
(They're out to get me)
And you still won't get away


{verse 3}
(It's too hard to fall back)
Make this only life count.
(You're wastin' all of my time)
It's too precious to loose.
(Now it's my chance to attack)
And she will still taunt.
(No, it won't be fine)
Is this what you want to choose?

{Chorus}

Get Away.
#2
It's good, is the point that you are trying to get dumped by a girl?

I only have two thoughts;

1) "But now I have to make this vow"; it's out of place. By talking about being with someone, the word "vow" implies that you have to marry her? Is she pregnant?

2) "Is this what you want to choose?"; using both "want" and "what" in this line is unnecesary - it detracts from the message of the line. Need to either edit it down to something like "Is this what you'll choose?" or something similiar.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
Soundcloud
#3
The only thing i have to say is the line "my lie will reach up to the moon" i get what your trying to say but it just doesn't sound good in my opinion thats all i have to say.
#4
1) "But now I have to make this vow"; it's out of place. By talking about being with someone, the word "vow" implies that you have to marry her? Is she pregnant?

Haha, no. It's talking about a forcefull marriage. I'm not Hindu or anything, but it's talking about being forced by your piers by something you don't want-in this case; marriage.

2) "Is this what you want to choose?"; using both "want" and "what" in this line is unnecesary - it detracts from the message of the line. Need to either edit it down to something like "Is this what you'll choose?" or something similiar.

Yeah, I noticed i messed this line up. How would something like this go:
"Is this all I've got to choose"
The only thing i have to say is the line "my lie will reach up to the moon" i get what your trying to say but it just doesn't sound good in my opinion thats all i have to say.

Yeahh...I couldn't really think of anything that rhymed...now that I think of it...I need to make a LOT of changes to this song. I havn't even looked at it for a month
#5
Quote by HelzAngl

Yeah, I noticed i messed this line up. How would something like this go:
"Is this all I've got to choose"


Haha - you did it again

"Is this all I've got to choose" = Is this all I have got to choose. Don't need "have" and "got" in the sentence.

So go with this;
"Is this all I have to choose"
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
Soundcloud
#6
Haha - you did it again

"Is this all I've got to choose" = Is this all I have got to choose. Don't need "have" and "got" in the sentence.

So go with this;
"Is this all I have to choose"


Ohhh. Haha I get it!!! Thanks dude. Sounds better