#1
Hello all, this is my newest piece that has reached completion. Please check out the "score information" if you intend on listening.

Just a pretty straight-forward song. I'm typically not a riff-based writer..but I was listening to some Coheed & Cambria and a few other bands that are quite riff-based and thought I would try my hand.

Sorry for the lack of a bass line.

*EDIT: 11/17/08- Bass has been added, youll find the new attachment further down.

Crit for crit..thats how I do.
Attachments:
newest complete.zip
-Epi LP Ultra
-Mashall MG100HDFX half-stack
-Tama Imperialstar
-Epi "Hater-Slayer"
-Fender Ultimate Chorus
-Fender US Strat
-'51 Fender Pro-Amp Model 5A5 TV Front (sexy beast)
-Wechter Pathfinder A/E
-Washburn D-10SB
Last edited by ApolloTSI at Nov 17, 2008,
#2
Hey thanks for the crit on my song!

Intro-I liked how you mixed up the guitars, they didnt harmonize in time, and i think the way you positioned the notes was perfect.

Pre Verse- Simple yet effective, nice transition to verse

Verse- I LOVE the halftime feel when it goes to bar 17

Chorus-Kind of boring, but vocals of course would fix it

Post-Chorus- The Shred. Is AMAZING, i really enjoyed this, it makes up for the lack of awesome chorus

Verse 2- same as verse 1

(IM going to skip to the breakdown crit b/c it basically repeats)

Breakdown-Really like the use of Dissonance in the first couple bars, Really like Guitar 2's riff at bar 57, it is a long and repetitive but im not bored during it.

Bridge Prt 1- Favorite riff

Bridge Prt 2- Nice Transition to solo

Solo- AMAZING, the feel was awesome and i enjoyed it almost as most as bridge 1

Outro- The end was awesome, really felt the climatic end.

Overall?

9.6/10
Poop.


Yes, poop.
#4
I loved all of it. Is it recorded?


We'll be going to Chicago soon to record our new CD. It will be posted on my profile once we get it back. If anyone out there uses Demonoid or The Pirate Bay, check there as I will be uploading it as a .torrent as well. Thanks for the crit!
-Epi LP Ultra
-Mashall MG100HDFX half-stack
-Tama Imperialstar
-Epi "Hater-Slayer"
-Fender Ultimate Chorus
-Fender US Strat
-'51 Fender Pro-Amp Model 5A5 TV Front (sexy beast)
-Wechter Pathfinder A/E
-Washburn D-10SB
#5
I loved it. So much. Really reminded me of The Fall of Troy. I would LOVE TO HEAR THIS RECORDED. But seriously dude... this was great.

What kind of vocals are you going to have over this?
I'm a person.
#6
I guess to give an accurate description of the vocals, id say its almost like From Autumn to Ashes. I'll be singing lead and our bassist will be doing the screaming. My voice is geared pretty high but I'm not limited to a single range, per se. (ex. Chiodos, SKSK, Coheed, Anthony Green, etc.). I sing high but have no problems giving a good growl and pitch screaming. Craig Owens, Thomas Erak, and Anthony Green are my biggest vocal influences right now. Ill definitely be posting our CD when we come home from Chicago. Thanks for the crits!
-Epi LP Ultra
-Mashall MG100HDFX half-stack
-Tama Imperialstar
-Epi "Hater-Slayer"
-Fender Ultimate Chorus
-Fender US Strat
-'51 Fender Pro-Amp Model 5A5 TV Front (sexy beast)
-Wechter Pathfinder A/E
-Washburn D-10SB
Last edited by ApolloTSI at Nov 7, 2008,
#7
Wow great song right here, seriously. I'll do my crit bar by bar style. Also, the fact you didn't make a bass on here makes me sad.

Intro: Great riff, there's nothing wrong here. The small amounts of dissonance mixed with the harmonies you used creates a cool, dark atmosphere.

Pre-verse: I like this riff, perfect guitar parts. Carries on the atmosphere of the last riff, but makes it a little less dark and a little more epic. Drums are good too, really basic but they help the total feel of this part. Measure 12 goes perfectly into the verse, I just love it.

Verse: Nice riff here, sounds fairly minimalistic like a verse should. Bar 16 is a great variation, and it works really well to flow into the next part of the verse, and the next part is great. Builds tension, especially with that lead guitar playing whatever it's playing.

Bar 19: Love this little palm muted bar, sounds excellent on RSE and goes rather well into the chorus.

Chorus: Fairly basic, but I bet this would be great in an actual recording with the singing and all. The drums are really good here, gotta love that hi-hat work.

Post-Chorus: I love this riff, this really accentuates the epic feel you started earlier in the song. I feel this part could really use a bass (even though you will have one in the actual recording) because the guitar playing the rhythm sounds pretty weak without it.

Bar 30: Awesome transition into the next verse, and I love those dissonant bendy chords. The triplets are really what makes it awesome.

Verse 2: I feel about the same about it as I did before, it comes in nicely again.

Chorus 2: Even though it's exactly the same as it was before, it sounds more epic this time...

Post-Chorus 2: I still like this riff, and the different lead guitar is good, helps to change things up some. I like the way it was the first time a little better, but I still think it should be different this time.

Bar 48: This builds the tension so perfectly for the breakdown, great job.

Breakdown: Oh my god the rhythm and lead here are so awesome sounding, and they compliment each other so well. I love the lead line that comes in on bar 57, sounds great. Though personally I wish you would have gotten a bit heavier then came back down before it came in, although that's just the metal head in me coming out I guess.

Bar 73-74: Loving the run man.

Bar 75-76: I love the natural harmonics you used here, it builds tension perfectly. The other guitar goes great into the next riff as well.

Bridge Pt. 1: Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome riff. Seriously I love it. It has a dark, somewhat playful sound to it. Just great. The drums and guitar come in perfectly as well. Bar 81 definitely needs the bass though, but I can picture it with the bass in my mind and it sounds good. This is probably the best riff of the song.

Bridge Pt. 2: Nevermind, this riff is better. I love the chords the second guitar is playing.

Bar 86: Goes pretty well into the next riff, however I think the drums should do some sort of quarter or eighth note triple fill into the next part, because it's a little bit sudden.

Guitar Solo: I can't go into detail about each bar, but I'll just say that this is the best guitar solo I have heard in awhile.

Finale Verse: It has a different feel to it this time around, and really sounds like a finale verse for whatever reason.

Bar 109-114: Perfect way to end a song, I was expecting a finale chorus but I'm kinda glad there wasn't one.

I give this song a 9/10 (Even though it deserves a 10/10 because there's no real problems with it at all)


Crit Turtles... it's a progressive metal song in the vein of between the buried and me, but not quite as heavy as them so I think you'll like it considering you like Protest the Hero.
#9
that could be the song to the sexiest session of sonic the hedgehog ever.

Badass all the way through.
#10
-Intro riff is cool, I like the dissonance, I feel like it needs drums tho? perhaps to extenuate the chugs!
-I like what the second guitar is doing during the pre verse and verse, flows nicely.
-I'm not a fan of the lick in the post chorus - to me it seems to kill a bit of the dark atmosphere you were creating. But they may have been what you were going for. It's not bad by any means.
-Post chorus 2 is much better IMO
- The breakdown is epic and hurts my ears! haha
-the bar 73/74 is a cool idea but I think it needs some more flavour.
-Bridge is excellent, cool drumming as well.
-Solo is also excellent.

9/10
It may have seemed like a criticized it a bit, but most my problems were small and just due to personal preference. Overall a good song, epic and proggy without getting self indulgent and still crafting a good memorable song.

crit mine?
#12
haha thanks, but that wasnt intended to be tapping. just pull-offs. ill check yours out tomorrow after some much needed sleep.
-Epi LP Ultra
-Mashall MG100HDFX half-stack
-Tama Imperialstar
-Epi "Hater-Slayer"
-Fender Ultimate Chorus
-Fender US Strat
-'51 Fender Pro-Amp Model 5A5 TV Front (sexy beast)
-Wechter Pathfinder A/E
-Washburn D-10SB
#13
Wow that was great.

Intro was really cool and unique. Both rhythm and lead went together very well and it set the mood.

Pre-verse run was awesome. It worked with both intro and the verse coming and was a great transition.

Verse was really cool I thought. Once again the lead and rhythm worked like peanut butter and jelly (-.-). Haha. I thought the lead could of had a bigger part though, maybe another run?

Chorus. The lead part was really awesome. The rhythm worked but I thought it also needed some musical spice instead of what you have now. But its probably fine as is, it sounds really good with everything.

Bar 48: I liked the staccato on the rhythm. don't really see that much on guitar pro but it sounds good. The dissonance from the rhythm was cool, it kind of changed my mood.

The mini-solo after that was cool, it's an awesome lick you have there. With the variation that makes it.

I thought the scale run at bar 73 didnt flow nicely. But right after I changed my thoughts and it actually sounds good!

I loved the solo, it was awesome. Very melodic and fits the song perfectly. Good job!

Overall 9/10. Not my style but its very good.

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=997120
#14
alright, bloodshed said up there that he was upset that there was no bass so i went ahead and added some. thanks in advance for checkin it out!
Attachments:
newest complete(bass).zip
-Epi LP Ultra
-Mashall MG100HDFX half-stack
-Tama Imperialstar
-Epi "Hater-Slayer"
-Fender Ultimate Chorus
-Fender US Strat
-'51 Fender Pro-Amp Model 5A5 TV Front (sexy beast)
-Wechter Pathfinder A/E
-Washburn D-10SB
#15
Damn, I really liked that.

The breakdowns were sublime, the riffs were chunky and yet the piece retained a certain smoothness.

I loved the subtle use of dissonance in parts, and how you didn't over-use it, instead brushing occasional nuances in places, maximising the effect. The solo was spot on, really suiting to the piece. Couldn't have fit better.

I'll have to say 9/10.

c4c?

#16
Hmmm. my thoughts of this. I think what i get the idea of is...imagine a buffet table. Each little dish is nice on its own but if anything mixes on your plate its a bit wierd. This song has no genre cos each section is different to a differnt sttyle.

If I were you, Id take certain riffs and use them to create a whole song. For example the first verse could be the makings of an AMAZING artic monkeys-esque song. Where as other parts could be heavier.

I duno its sounds harsh but belive me each little section is amazing. Just not in an entire song?

I got one more C4C for you :p I'll do your last one if you post me the link.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=974192&highlight=Lucky+Charms