#1
it's a, businessman's advent.

if I haven't gotten to your piece yet, I will be shortly.
I have limited internet access right now, so I post when i can.
enjoy.


people, in the bushes;
'neath the terrace;
they hide the forest,
and rush the waters.

she calls her Ares,
I call my Hera;
she can't stand the fact
that I'm seeing someone
older.

people, want to watch ya;
want to be ya;
want to feel ya;
want to eat ya -

but you know that hand's been
dealt, when all the weight's
the one to reach ya.

she's yellow like Woodstock
and I'm the burnin' urchin
searchin' for that
precious understandin.'

yes,
she's a dragon
skipping happily
through the valley,
breathing up all of my air,
and replacing it with fire.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#2
It's cool, it's bad, it's an urban hip-hop surfer named Zeus. Because you asked for it, I'm going to call out the Anthony Kiedis influence here

I like this a lot, it's very fun. The last stanza is more, how can I say, 'intelligent' than the rest, but I could groove to this.

(you really can't critique funk-esque, you know? I mean, it's all about the power of improv anyway, right? I don't know)
#3
The image in the first stanza is like sticking a pencil through my skull.

"she calls her Ares,
I call my Hera; " -- ?

Rest of this was gudstuf.

I particularly like the "yes" at the end. Iunno, it just seems like that's the cherry.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#5
thank you guys, very, very much.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#6
oh man, this is good.

people, want to watch ya;
want to be ya;
want to feel ya;
want to eat ya -

many folks try to capture how that is by being sly and not saying it, you just dropped it as it is, in all of its flaw and glory.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#7
well, after many readings i finally feel ready to post. Like most of your works, it grew on me. The first time i read it, i was like "yeah..." but now i'm really enjoying it. +1 to freshtunes as well, he summed up my thoughts perfectly with his post.
#9
This flowed like a very flowy thing.

Other than 'but you know that hand's been
dealt, when all the weight's
the one to reach ya.'

Think that'd be better with the comma after dealt being replaced with a line break.

Might have flowed too well. First time I read it it didn't work for me at all... second time it worked too well. Think that last line doesn't have enough space leading to it and bang to it to let me take it in.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!