#1
C4C (leave link)

A song


Looking through your eyes on the other side
of the mirror, when I practice speeches
to see if I can make you look through mine.

But your rejection shatters it;
I get launched to my bed of broken glass,
where I lay in small reflections of my wounds.

They crave in my back like I wish your nails would,
but you only open my skin,
like a sign that things will never happen as they should.

I’ll never win
the war for your heart,
battling
with myself.
Whoever conquers
I will lose,
because I can’t tie strings on your thoughts;
I fought for it
all my life.
I concede it
for someone
someday you’ll choose.

You never care when I call, hanging the phone
on my face; and when you see me,
you say "hello" like I’m anyone else.

And my self esteem is on a bottomless pit;
I’m sick of it! I’m sick of it!
But life’s worth living for the sake of sanity.

You stab my mind like a door to my dreams;
my only path to you,
and I exhale all love in every verse I sing.

Every word’s
addressed to you,
sealed with chords
and feedback;
all in tune
in the key
you chose for me to open your heart,
tore apart
by distortion;
disappointed
by quoted words.
Wake up, and break me!

Close the door
of your apartment,
down the stairs
of your heart and
break mine...
Last edited by seventh_angel at Nov 5, 2008,
#2
I hope you understand when I say this, I think you've ventured so far away from the lyrical style and into the more poetic side recently that you forgot how to write good lyrics.
I think you have such a character and humbleness to your writing but it was lost in this.
I really want to read something else if you have it. PM it or post it again in a day or two if you have to, please.
Maybe I'm wrong in my determination, but it seems that way to me.
#3
i agree with goldfish, this reads like a poem, not a song. I couldn't pick out a recognisable flow or anything. This would make a good poem, but as lyrics, it just doesn't work.