#1
reheated by numbers
cooled down with wordz.
im a refrigerator
you're a looking glass
melting army men and ants
with a little help from some sun
and a bright bright glance,
that turns on a room
filled with girls wearing
kashmir knit sleeves.
skeezy sleezy
desert onion-
drunkard downing.
a cactus covered
in camo-outfits.
you are the monogrammed
cuff link
on my flannel sleeve.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
Last edited by freshtunes at Nov 4, 2008,
#2
this was very good. I just wanted to say that, I'll be back later when i have time to properly look over this.
#4
the first read through the flow is kind of rough, but once you get it the second read was real nice. im going to agree with whoever is above me and say the 'you're a looking glass...ect' was the best part. im torn on the ending, its not the most original last 3 lines, but in context with the rest of the poem it works pretty well.
nice work here.
i have one 'unknowns' on the first page if you want to say a word or two, either way nice worrrk.
#5
Quite strange, quite cool. Again, 'you're a looking glass,' and so forth were the best. But I thought the ending worked well for the rest. I really dig this, reminds me of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Haha, good job mang.

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=991917
My Gear:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guitars:
Gibson Explorer, Worn Cherry-

Amps:
Fender Roc Pro 1000 - 1 x 12 Combo, 100 watts, Hybrid


Effects:
Blues Driver Keeley Modded