#1
OTS. c4c. whatever.

"gondola"
he sailed the amber oceans, alive with
eyes he couldn't out-row, he dove.
deep into the puddle that had grown
into a sea, from the endless drip-drops
of his morphine cheeks.

she smiled, her smile. that smile.
held that tired boy like a dying child.

"don't cry dear boy. there's hope yet.
there's love. there's enough.
i promise."

he bit his lip, bled the whitest blood
left the words to slowly slip.

"get a new tune
you've been singing the same song
for much, much too long."

he rest his head on her pale white skin
teeth full of dead sweat, he felt the cold closing in.

"there aren't enough letters in the alphabet
to say goodbye, so just leave me be."
#2
beautiful but the punctuation annoyed the hell out of me. Full stops do not work half way through lines. or before line breaks that don't mark the end of the sentence. This was really hard to read because of it. But apart from that, it was very good.
#3
I'd like to see "whitest" used again, in the cold closing in stanza.

This is ****ing beautiful. I'm going to go against S&L cocksucking protocol here and not even bitch about line breaks. This is beautiful.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching