#1
Come on baby, be slow and sensual.
Don't you know that everything's eventual?
Our life is so torn and tempered.
Kiss my lips and suck the life from them.

You're not alone even when you're alone.
Seeped in blood and soaked to the bone.
How come I only see lust in your eyes?
Love, you're in deeper then you realize.

Sinuous twist and a snake-like motion.
Crisscrossed lines, human's just a notion.
Hands clenched together with those vicious eyes.
You try to move but the grips too tight.

I'm laying on my back in a surge of power.
Can't get away from my stone cold flower.
Flood of pleasure, the pain euphoric.
Skin on skin and the fangs that tore it.

So now my love, one lust is done,
but you and I have only just begun.
Resting, I look into your feral eyes
and know tonight another lamb will die.
#2
this is actually really good, i was surprised. the rhyming is brilliant, but what i love the most is the rhythm. This piece just drives. I felt like i was forced through this piece by some driving force, it was beautiful. well done. No complaints
#3
I can't really get a handle on what it is about.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#4
I thought it was quite well done, my only real complaint was that I didn't like that lines 3+4 in stanzas 2 and 4 rhymed while 1,3 and 5 didn't. I also wasn't overly fond of this line "You're not alone even when you're alone." Because I thought it was a little repitive.

All in all I thought the use of language was brilliant and that it was a fine piece of work. Congrats
Quote by Mattron2000
Shadowenspirit,
Developmental Tamer.
Shadowenspirit,
Ancient Sandwich Crafter



I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.


-Voltaire



So it is written.
Last edited by Shadowenspirit at Nov 5, 2008,