#1
she's a fully automatic
simply shocking me like static
better call up a mechanic
cause my heart she'll surely break

dont mean to be overdramatic
but when she's around I start to panic
and all my words become erratic
she's way too much for me to take

took one wiff of that aromatic
now i'm simply a fanatic
doctor i'm so symptomatic
i have truly gone insane!

jump through hoops so acrobatic
pretend to be aristocratic
it is really all quite tragic
someone please come fix my brain!



Been a while since I posted one. This is much newer than most of the stuff I've posted and is still a work in progress...the basis of whats gonna be a song one day.

c4c.
#3
wow, this is different. it almost reads like a rap, though it isn't. The rhymes are good because they help the piece not hinder it. Be mindful of the rhythm though, a couple of lines seemed too long. As this is only a work in progress i won't say much more except that I liked it and can't wait to see the finished product.