#1
This is something I wrote quite a time ago and I thought it was pretty cool. It got lost on my old computer though, so I rebuilt the song from scratch, changing much of it, because my views changed and it seemed a bit sloppy. This is only about the first 1:30 of it, I want to see what people think of it and what I should change. If it sucks, be honest. When you create something, you can't really tell if it's a masterpiece, or a piece of shit. I am satisfied with it, but what you guys, the audience, thinks matters more.

Thanks,
ChampaYne
Attachments:
melodic beginning.zip
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


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#2
Pretty sweet man. There was two parts in the rythm that sounded kind of dissonant or off key and I made some small adjustments. Tell me what you think of it.

Other than that though its a very decent piece of work.
Attachments:
melodic beginningmod.zip
#3
I see you've changed most of the 2's to 3's and left some at the end. Pretty clever, I'll consider changing that. It wasn't that it was an accident, it's just that in the genre instead of hopping one fret (5-7, 6-8, etc. etc.), you mostly hop two (2-5, 3-6), and it sounded good to me. Oh and I'll work on the harmonization of the last part.

Thanks,
ChampaYne
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
#4
Good Rithm, Heavy
First riff a little slayerian^^
Nothing to crit, good

8+/10

Plz crit the last song in my sig
R.I.P.
Chuck Schuldiner 1967-2001
Ronnie James Padavona 1942-2010
Darrell Lance Abbott 1966-2004
Jon Nödtveidt 1975-2006
Per Yngve Ohlin 1969-1991
Øystein Aarseth 1968-1993
Joe Ptaceck 1973-2010
Ace Börje Thomas Forsberg 1966-2004
#5
I'm not really like the guitar work in guitar 1's part. I love the heavy rhythm you made just not the melodic stuff. The melodic stuff sounded very major or happy in other words. BTW, I really like how you combined the rhythm guitars part with the drums.
#6
Quote by Graveworm
I'm not really like the guitar work in guitar 1's part. I love the heavy rhythm you made just not the melodic stuff. The melodic stuff sounded very major or happy in other words. BTW, I really like how you combined the rhythm guitars part with the drums.


I didn't mean it to be happy, more like fast and suspence, you know. Thank for the crit, I'll try to improve.
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
#7
First off, the rhythm in this seemed wierd. Maybe it's because it's in 4/4 I guess =P

Yeah, in the clean part, the pedal note is just annoying, I am afraid to say.

HOWEVER when it all kicks off, it's amazing. I mean, really bloody good.Bar ten introduces some with rhythm guitar.

The drums are heavy throughout, but I have a problem with bar 26. Maybe the scale is wrong? Not sure, I just don't like it. The heavy beatdown style riffs after it are cool though.

...I wish I could give a better crit, but it's only a short piece you've written.

Let me know if you expand on this? It shows a lot of promise.


Rob
#8
I loved it for the most part, but that little solo-esque melody, at bar 26 wasn't my cup of tea. It's all I've got for critiscism, sadly. The entire piece is pretty cool, must say!