#1
I wonder why
It's so cold tonight
I can't feel your arms around me this night
Holding me so tight
And you're leaving
You're going away...

Don't walk away
Please don't leave me here
Bleeding this way
And fighting for one day
To show that tears can fade away
Away...

You promised me never to leave
Never to leave me here
But somehow a white angel
Comes to my way
And with a smile he takes me away...
Away...

Don't walk away. . .
#2
to be completely honest with you, i don't know what to make of this. If you had supplied a bit more info, like what style it is, etc, I would be able to give more targeted criticism. As it is, I can't say that it's bad, because it's not. However, I would say that trying to make it rhyme all the way through isn't the best idea. You concentrated too much on that and in my opinion, it was at the cost of disrupting the flow of the song. But that's just one guys thoughts.
#3
Quote by Shadow Of Horus
to be completely honest with you, i don't know what to make of this. If you had supplied a bit more info, like what style it is, etc, I would be able to give more targeted criticism. As it is, I can't say that it's bad, because it's not. However, I would say that trying to make it rhyme all the way through isn't the best idea. You concentrated too much on that and in my opinion, it was at the cost of disrupting the flow of the song. But that's just one guys thoughts.

+1....critique my work...someone plz its in mah sig
Quote by Jackolas
You are my favorite August 08er, sir!


One day, when the time has come,
The truth will shine, we'll never run.
We both know just how feel,
I'm praying to god that this is real.
#4
I think the content is ok, but when you rhyme simple words that rhyme vowel for vowel, it does not come off right. Instead of saying "i cant feel your arms around me this night," Just lose this night and leave it as i cant feel your arms around me, cause you use tight in the next line, which rhymes with tonight in the second line. If your not using free verse and you are rhyming alot you really should try to stay structured in basic poet rhyme schemes like A-B-A etc...I would also say when rhyme try to use more uncommon less simple words. Like the second stanza you use away then way then day then away again, you do not have to make it overly complicated but if you use a one silable word dont rhyme it with another one silable word. But I liked the rest of it, like I said the content is good.