#1
ESCAPE. FREEDOM. an ESCAPE to FREEDOM. FREEDOM to ESCAPE. to ESCAPE the forces that control you and take away your FREEDOM. to abandon everything you've been taught, to do everything you've been told not to.

however, the FREEDOM comes with a price.

guilt.

immense, immeasurable guilt. however, obedience and pleasing your superiors also comes with a price. the forfeiture of your rights to do as you wish, in an essence, your FREEDOM.

but one path must be taken. there is no 'in between'. it's black and white. but you know what you're going to do. or at least what you want to do. because if you dont, you'll be living a lie. a hypocrite. every day will be spent cursing yourself, wishing you had chosen differently.

and then, when there is nowhere to run, nowhere to ESCAPE to, no FREEDOM to be found anywhere, what will you do?

seek FREEDOM in the ultimate ESCAPE.

DEATH.
#2
The red and capitalization take away from what you're trying to say. I'm too busy hearing the text scream those certain words to piece together what the rest of it means.
Try to sum up what you feel and find the most effective way to word it. A lot of this is wordy and it just doesn't flow overall. I'm really sorry. The idea you have is interesting and this is an original approach; it's just not working very well right now. Maybe you could look it over a few times and try rewriting it.
Words should emphasize themselves. Color and italics take away from the purpose of poetry - putting meaning to words.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#3
I fukin love your ideas and overall theme of the song. If you put in more poetic devices (metaphors, imagery and whatnot) it would improve it greatly. And I won't sugarcoat anything, it doesn't flow that well. It kinda just sounds like you're talking. If you put more internal rhythm into it, it would make the flow a lot easier. Maybe some rhyme would serve the purpose too, but I personally don't like rhyming. (people tend to force it) It's completely your choice though.
Once again, I really like the theme, with a little work this will turn out great
Peace
Lauren
"To find yourself think for yourself"